


Words Have Two Meanings

by fourdrunksluts



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Boys In Love, Fluff, Happy Ending, Highway to Hell, Inspired by Music, Light Angst, M/M, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Sappy Ending, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Stairway to Heaven
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-09-27 10:36:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20406334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fourdrunksluts/pseuds/fourdrunksluts
Summary: Luke often wonders if Ashton has the same problem he has, if being in the mere presence of Luke is enough to render him silent. If the way he laughs or the way the light hits his eyes just right is something of modern art for him. Luke wonders if Ashton is ever awestruck by Luke, if his work during the day lacks finesse because his mind is too preoccupied thinking of the other, images of him wrapped in a juniper glow, his skin bathing in sunlight - a perfect picture no other human could ever emulate.Or maybe that’s just Luke.-In a world where your soulmate is determined by their favorite song, people have gone, and continue to go, to extreme lengths to find their other half. Luke is certain Ashton's his soulmate - even if every sign in the universe is telling him no.





	Words Have Two Meanings

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from _Stairway to Heaven_ by Led Zeppelin

_ "... Two souls are sometimes created together and in love before they're born."  _ _   
_ _ \- F. Scott Fitzgerald _

  
  
  


Luke’s known his favorite song since he was twelve years old. 

He remembers the exact moment he decided - when he heard the way the gentle strumming of the guitar lead into the clever lyricism and felt the way the song resonated with him. He loved how soft it was, like a cloud wrapping around him in a poetic spiral, and how he could feel so at ease even while the words hit so hard. The music flowed through him and lit him up in a way he didn’t know was possible. 

His mom had been thrilled when he told her that he had found his song - the one piece of music that made him feel alive inside and out. She’d played it on repeat at every family meal for a month, and by the end of it his brother, Jack, remarked that if he ever heard  _ Stairway to Heaven _ again, it would be too soon. 

Luke didn’t care, not really. He was proud to have found the song that was made for him and to be one step closer to finding his soulmate. 

Every time he came across the song - when it played at dinner, when it came on the radio - he loved listening to it and hearing a piece of himself within it. Every lyric was a direct pathway into his heart, and he hoped that when his soulmate heard it, they’d realize that they’re seeing Luke and everything that makes him who he is. 

He didn’t have his own soulmark yet, but he was in a constant state of anticipation. He couldn’t wait to start trying to find his soulmate even if the only thing he has to go by is the name of their favorite song that’ll eventually be tattooed somewhere on his body. Every day that he woke up only to find the mark hadn’t appeared yet was just another test of his patience, but Luke was perfectly willing to be patient. 

One of the things Luke truly never understands, though, is the stigma about soulmates. A lot of people say that having one takes away your free will - that once you find your soulmate, all of the opinions you have towards whom you want to fall in love with are gone. But Luke doesn’t like to think like that, not at all. He’s been in love a few times in his life. None have been with his true soulmate, but that doesn’t make his feelings any less real. They didn’t work out in the end, of course, but it wasn’t because of their soulmarks. They didn’t work out because Luke’s destined to be with  _ one _ person, he’s  _ made _ for a very specific person. There’s only one other soul in the world that is perfectly moulded to fit with his, and none of his partners were it. 

They all had different songs on their bodies, different melodies, different pieces from different people, none of which Luke could live up to. 

It doesn’t make him bitter; it just makes him want to find his own soulmate faster. 

There were different images Luke had of his soulmate, different songs he’d hoped they’d enjoy. He’d hear something soft and beautiful on the radio and wonder if his soulmate felt the music the same way he did. He would be at the record store, looking at different albums and envisioning his soulmate in every shade of pastel that each cover had to offer. 

He loved the idea that his soulmate would be a lover of all things soft with no edges and have nothing but love to give. He couldn’t wait for them to find each other and start their life together in candy floss dreams and a rose-colored heaven. 

Luke was sixteen years old when his tattoo appeared. It happened overnight, and he almost didn’t realize it had formed until he was changing in the locker room and Calum pointed it out enthusiastically. 

Luke tried to read it himself, but it was written across his shoulder, and the mirror, of course, only made the words appear backwards. He ended up having Calum - his best friend for the past sixteen years - take a picture of it and show him, but when he saw what it said, he was left an acrid taste in his mouth.

There, permanently etched on his body in chicken scratch handwriting were the words ‘ _ Highway to Hell _ ’, completely ruining his aesthetic and ending every soft image he’d ever had of his soulmate. 

♬

Once a month, Luke lets himself get completely and utterly obliterated. Or actually,  _ Calum _ lets Luke get completely and utterly obliterated. This usually happens at one of the bars nearest their apartment, but sometimes, on nights when Calum’s feeling particularly kind, Luke manages to convince him to go to one a little farther away for karaoke.

When they first moved to the city together, the two found a small bar named  _ SoMa _ tucked in between a bank and a second-hand store. Luke immediately felt at home in the crowd of people belting out the words to  _ Piano Man _ louder than the piano itself. Calum felt at home with cold beer and a bartender to listen to his jokes. 

Luckily, Luke gets to visit once every few months - thanks to Calum - and each trip is a new and wonderful experience. 

He doesn’t sing often, though. He doesn’t have stage fright, and he’s not uncomfortable with his voice, but the bar does have a bit of a reputation. The  _ SoMa  _ on the sign isn’t actually its name, but what it’s known for. 

Soulmates. 

This bar, out of every other one in the city, has the biggest record of soulmates matched inside its walls. There’s something about the music and the people that draws everyone in, and when you hear the song that’s  _ tattooed on your body _ being sung, it’s not like it’s that difficult to get in touch with whoever’s singing it - with your  _ soulmate _ . 

So Luke’s only sung once - his favorite song, of course, as is the standard in a place like this. Unfortunately, it didn’t yield any results as far as his soulmate goes, and Luke hasn’t tried again in the year since. 

Not that he sings for his soulmate. He’ll never be the person to light a neon sign above his head with his song on it, or have a boombox playing it as he walks across town. He’s the kind of guy that’s happy to live his life now, and when his soulmate shows themself, it’ll happen naturally and at the right time. That’s how he’s always imagined the meeting to go, at least. 

So he doesn’t sing for his soulmate. He sings for himself. He sings because  _ Stairway to Heaven _ is his favorite song, and he has  _ killer _ vocals that the song perfectly displays. He doesn’t do it often, but when he does, it’s for himself. 

Just him.

♬

The sound technician is looking at Luke like he’s crazy. Her right eye is cocked, and she huffs - less than pleased it seems - at Luke’s request. “You’re joking, right?” she deadpans. 

Luke shakes his head, mouth set in a firm line. “Absolutely not.” 

The technician isn’t unwarranted in her disbelief. Luke knows how it sounds, how ridiculous he looks just by bringing it up. That knowledge doesn’t stop him, though.

“That song is eight minutes long, kid.” The technician still hasn’t put the request in, Luke notes. It’s only a little tap of the screen to bring the song up and add Luke’s name to the waiting list, but her fingers haven’t moved from the death grip they’ve got on the edge of the table. 

He gets the same reaction every time he so much as mentions his favorite song. He gets jokes on what a burden it must be for his soulmate every time the song comes on the radio, not being able to change it, looking in the music for any piece of whom Luke could be, and having to wait eight damn minutes before they’re allowed to rest. Luke’s heard it all, but it doesn’t change anything -  _ can’t _ change anything. It’s not like Luke could call up Led Zeppelin and ask them to make the song shorter. He can’t go back to when he was twelve and heard that song for the first time. He can’t change the way it lit him up inside and inspired him to be the man he is today. He wouldn’t want to, anyway.

The technician eventually sighs and adds the song title with minimal enthusiasm. It doesn’t hurt Luke’s feelings, though. It’ll be a brilliant performance, he’s certain, and the technician will wonder why she was ever annoyed by one simple song, and such a beautiful one at that. 

When his name is called later that night, he’s two drinks in and feeling a pleasant buzz flowing under his skin. 

The first strums of the guitar begin the song, and Luke keeps his eyes peeled a little, in case of anybody noticing the song in more than casual recognition. 

When the lyrics come up, when Luke begins singing, he pours himself in the song, exposing his emotions in a way that no other song could possibly allow him to do. He makes the performance something to remember - something worthy of being tattooed on someone’s body and in their heart. 

When the heavier bits of the song come up and the energy in the rooms amplifies, Luke really gets into it, throwing himself around the stage and making sure no bit of the performance leaves anyone unsatisfied. 

He wants everyone to see the song the same way he does. He wants to peel away the layers and preconceptions and lay the music bare on the floor. 

For all that the song is, eight minutes and full of complex, ever changing sections, it always seems to go by so quickly, the time flying as though it’s just a gentle tune played by the wind and not his entire heart fighting its way to the surface. 

Luke walks off the small stage, smiling brightly at the sound technician as he passes. She isn’t any less annoyed than she was when he requested the song, but she looks relieved it’s over now, and Luke takes that as a strike against the song and not himself. 

After all, he likes to think he did the piece proud. 

“Hey,” Luke’s stopped by a voice as he’s walking past the bar. He turns around and takes notice of everyone around before his eyes land on a man standing next to two empty seats with a smile bright enough to light a cigarette on a cold, winter night. “That was really great up there.”

“Oh, thank you,” Luke says, confused as to what exactly is happening. He’s still a bit disoriented from the high of performing his favorite song, and it’s not going away as quickly as it should be. The world is swirling with an iridescent touch that’s far more pleasant than anything he’s ever felt in this bar before. “Are you going up next?”

“Oh, no,” the stranger shakes his head. “Don’t think I could follow that up if I’m honest. You were the best one tonight.”

Luke laughs, letting his head drop with it. “Thank you,” he repeats himself. “I don’t get up there often.”

“That’s a shame. You look like you belong on stage.”

He can’t stop smiling, not with the way the compliments keep dripping from this stranger’s tongue like raindrops off the petals of a daisy. “I can only say thank you so many times before it starts to sound insincere.” 

“Well how many times is that?” The man smirks, and if Luke doesn’t come down from the high of being on stage and being with this stranger soon, he’ll have to sit down. “I have lot of things I want to say to you.” Luke’s bright red at this point, too flustered to even lift his gaze from where it’s fallen to his feet. “Can I buy you a drink?”

“Uh.” Luke looks towards his table only to see Calum surrounded by a crowd of people, and he decides that his friend is well enough off that Luke can enjoy the company of the man whose words are a lavender gift. “Yeah, sure. I’d like that.” 

The man grins and flicks his head towards the empty seat next to him. Luke takes the cue and sits down. The air around them feels almost light, like gravity up and left the two alone in the wake of the song - Luke puts it down to still feeling the effects of performing. 

“I’m Luke by the way,” He introduces himself.

“Ashton.”  _ Ashton _ . Luke repeats the name to himself in his head, wishing it wouldn’t be poor social etiquette to say it out loud again and again. He has a strange need to let the name roll off his tongue and see if it sounds as musical as it feels. “How come I’ve never seen you here before?”

_ Ashton.  _

“You may have,” Luke tells him, but even he doesn’t believe his words. Looking at this man - at  _ Ashton _ \- Luke knows he’s never seen him. He’s special, Luke thinks. There’s something new and beautiful and if Luke had seen Ashton before today, he knows he would’ve made a move to say hello, to get to know his name so he could say it in his head twenty times, hoping it’d start sound real to him. “I don’t get up on stage every time. I’m only here every few months, but you could have seen me before.”

Ashton's grinning, and even though they’re sitting right next to each other, it feels like Luke’s watching him through the lens of a camera like a patron in the theatre, having paid top dollar to see the sun shining on this man. 

“You don’t seem like you’d be forgettable, Luke.” Luke tries to hide his smile at the words. There was a teasing edge to Ashton's voice, and there’s clearly more to be said, but Luke can’t wipe the grin from his face. “Besides, I feel like I would’ve remembered a shirt this loud.”

Luke laughs, a boisterous thing that has the other people at the bar looking over. He doesn’t have it in himself to be ashamed, not when Ashton looks so pleased by the sound. “This isn’t even the loudest one I own. It’s pretty tame compared to the rest of my collection.”

“Well I’m sure you pull them off,” Ashton says. “You’ve got a face that could sell anything.”

Luke can feel his cheeks flaming at the casual flattery. He considers this guy, this  _ Ashton _ , and how he captured Luke’s entire night with a simple compliment of his performance. He hopes, more than anything else, that this is flirting, that it’s more than just a few innocent statements as a bystander.

Thinking about it, about where they are and what Luke’s just sung, he wants Ashton to be his soulmate. He’s never been in a rush to meet them, but with this man sitting here, impressing Luke with nothing more than a few words and a smile bright enough to light up every borough of New York, he hopes to see  _ Stairway to Heaven _ scrawled delicately across some part of Ashton's body. 

Not to mention,  _ Highway to Hell _ seems like the kind of song Ashton would fall in love with. 

For Ashton,  _ Luke _ could fall in love with it. 

“So the song,” Luke brings up, trying his best to be casual. The last thing he wants are red lights flashing about his head and alerting everyone in the vicinity that Luke’s so absolutely into this complete stranger, so he’s stuck, fishing for even the slightest sign that this could be his soulmate. “What did you think?” 

Ashton grins at Luke like he can see through him. He waves down the waiter and keeps Luke in suspense for an answer. It would annoy him if anybody else had done it, but Luke’s already found himself too invested in this man to care about any little games he has to play. 

It’s a trap he’s collapsed into before; falling in love with a stranger. There are so many beautiful people with beautiful stories in this world, and Luke’s a fool for love. Ever since he first fell in love with  _ Stairway to Heaven _ , he’s been waiting for a person to make him feel the same. There’s a burning need inside him to be pulled away from reality and into a dreamworld just by the sound of someone’s voice or they way their eyes shine when they bathe in the moonlight. 

Luke’s a fool, it’s his biggest downfall. It’s also what makes him  _ him _ . 

“I already told you how amazing you sounded,” Ashton shakes his head and Luke wants to smile at the fake exasperation. He knows that Ashton's playing with him, that he knows the clear intention of the question, but Luke truly doesn’t care. He’s endeared by the mocking. 

“Not me,” Luke clarifies. “The song.”

“Stairway to Heaven? I loved it. It’s always a crowd favorite.”

“It is, yeah,” Luke agrees, speaking slowly. “It’s my favorite song.” He pays extra attention to Ashton, watching to see if there are any ticks in his demeanor to reveal the answer to the question Luke didn’t ask. It probably looks ridiculous, but Luke’s dropped any care he has for that. 

Ashton nods along, but he doesn’t slip up and show surprise or excitement or anything other than a considering look. It’s as though Luke revealed his love for curry or his habit of taking pictures of beautiful things - there’s no reaction. “It is a great song. I always liked it growing up.”

“ _ Hm _ .” 

The bartender finally makes his way over to where Ashton and Luke are sitting and takes their orders. Luke absolutely doesn’t blush when Ashton pays. That’s why Luke’s sitting here in the first place, so there’s no reason for Luke’s face to redden. There’s no reason for Luke to think about how date-like it appears. Absolutely no reason. 

“So, Luke,” Ashton cuts through Luke’s internal denial. “Tell me about yourself. Do you work?”

“I do, yeah.” Luke’s trying his hardest to continue the conversation in the direction Ashton is heading it as opposed to back the way they’ve came from. The soulmate-shaped elephant in the room isn’t likely to slip his mind easily, but he’ll try. “I work part-time work at Millie’s Bookshop, but I’m hoping for a promotion soon.” 

“That sounds familiar,” Ashton says. “Is it near here?”

“Down on Frith.” Luke points with his thumb behind him. He feels a bit ridiculous doing so as he doesn’t actually know which way Frith Street is. He can barely remember where Calum parked, yet alone the compass direction of his job. “It’s just a small thing, but it’s doing really well compared to some of the bigger chains nearby.”

Ashton's nodding along eagerly, and it takes some control for Luke not to laugh. It’s an awful lot like the first-date dance where everyone acts extremely invested in every minute detail of the other’s life. The only thing restraining Luke from bringing it up is that he can’t tell if this is friendly conversation or something more. 

“Well I love supporting local businesses,” Ashton supplies excitedly, making Luke smile at the enthusiasm being displayed. “Maybe I could stop by sometime?”

“Yeah, I’d love that.”

The bar is crowded, the countertop is sticky, and a ridiculous song from the eighties is being shouted in the background, but Luke swears the entire moment was washed by a spring rain, and now there’s a gentle glow to it. There’s a shine to Ashton's eyes that make Luke want to swim in their light forever. 

Soulmate or not, Luke can feel himself falling for this man - luminescent in such a dingy bar. 

“So what about you?” Luke asks. They’re both watching the bartender mix their drinks together, but Luke’s still sneaking glances at the other man. 

“What about me?”

“Do you work?”

“Of course!” Ashton's laugh is a symphony of mellifluous sounds on par with birds chirping on an early spring morning, waves cresting along the nighttime shore, and even  _ Stairway to Heaven _ . “I teach english and music at Ashbourne College.” 

Luke can feel himself leaning closer to Ashton, it’s subtle, but his body won’t stop drifting. “Oh so you have a real job then? You’re an adult,” he teases. 

“Are you not an adult?” His eyebrows do this jump, a concerned move that along with the tilt of his head make him look every bit a worried puppy. 

Luke doesn’t know what cosmic presence decided he was worthy of such a blessing, but he won’t question anything. He just wants to enjoy the moment and share in the beauty that is  _ Ashton _ . 

“I’m twenty-three,” Luke confirms, choosing not the note the small relief Ashton barely expresses. There must be  _ something _ between them if Ashton's concerned with Luke’s age. “But I work in a bookstore and share a place with my friend. I’m definitely not an adult.”

“Ah, the good old days.” Ashton leans back in his seat and Luke’s tempted to follow the motion just to be closer. “Sharing a home and working part time in the heart of the city. What I wouldn’t give to go back.” 

“Really?”

“Sure! There’s something lovely about the struggle, I think. Living paycheck to paycheck with your best friend. Staying out all night eating cheap food and walking around a record shop just because it’s open and  _ warm _ . Some of my best memories are from my worst nights in my early twenties.” 

Luke looks Ashton over, internally questioning whether his impression of Ashton was correct at first and if he’s as close to Luke’s age as he thinks he is. Obviously if he’s older it won’t be too much of an issue - Luke’s no stranger to dating people older than himself. 

And if they’re soulmates, it  _ really _ won’t be an issue. 

“How old are you?” 

“Just turned twenty-five,” Ashton answers, sounding put out and utterly exhausted just from speaking. “I’m old.” 

There’s something about his reaction that makes Luke giddy, has him wanting to joke along, to tease Ashton just for the sake of having an inside joke. There’s this strange pull inside of him that needs to do whatever he can just to see Ashton laugh. “You’re over the hill by now.” 

Ashton grins along, his fingers tracing empty patterns on the bartop. “I should be planning for retirement.”

The bartender comes over with their drinks finally, staying silent about the snickering going on and the smiles that Luke and Ashton are trying to keep to themselves. It’s intimate, and even in the middle of this bar, packed full of people on a Saturday night, it feels like it’s only the two of them, a clandestine affair in which Luke tries to feel out whether this man is his soulmate, and Ashton sits there looking ethereal even in the dim lights. 

“So tell me about the song,” Ashton says, and Luke has to drag his eyes away from where he was watching Ashton's hands. “ _ Stairway to Heaven _ . Why is it your favorite?”

“I don’t really know,” Luke answers. He considers every bit and it’s not that there’s something to love about it, it’s that there’s  _ everything _ to love about it. “I was young when I first heard it - in my 7th year, I think. Everything just sort of came to light with it. I felt like I was understanding parts of myself I didn’t even know I had. It’s just so soft and easy to listen to, but it hits hard, and I love that every time I hear it, it’s like the first time all over again.”

Ashton's watching him closely, his hand tense around his beer. “That’s a good reason, I’d say.” 

Luke wants to kiss him. 

He doesn’t, though. There’s nothing he wants less than to ruin what they might have going by making an inopportune move “The lyricism is genius. I’d tattoo every word of it on myself if I had an any room.”

“That’d be awfully confusing, wouldn’t it?” Luke chooses to hyperfocus on Ashton's words and not spend too much time thinking of the way Ashton's eyes sweep over Luke’s body, locating all of his visible tattoos. “With a soulmate tattoo, surely you’d confuse the two.”

Luke wants to laugh at that, at the idea that he’d ever confuse the most eloquently beautiful song in the world with the source for all of Luke’s enmity. 

“I’d never confuse them, trust me.” He tried to avoid scoffing or putting any harsh inflection into his words, but he fails on both fronts. “There’s a very stark difference between them, one that hasn’t been able to slip my mind since I got it.” 

“You, uh,” Ashton clears his throat, and Luke’s almost sure he can see an emotion on his face, but it’s gone before it was there, and his tone is back to conversational. “You sound a little angry about that.” Luke must’ve been imagining things.

“I wouldn’t say  _ angry _ . I just - ”

Luke’s cut off by Ashton averting his eyes to just over Luke’s shoulder. Luke turns around to find a man with bright eyes, a single cross earring, and what appears to be the  _ perfect _ amount of stubble standing awfully close to him. 

“We’re heading out, Ash,” the stranger says, and Luke’s heart sinks at the idea of this man being something to Ashton. “You want a lift?” 

“Absolutely, yes.” Ashton starts grabbing his things and downs the rest of his beer quickly. He’s moving quickly and Luke wants to scream out for Ashton to say something, explain why leaving is suddenly such an urgent affair for him, and why he can’t just stay and spend the rest of the night here with Luke. “Can’t trust myself to walk the streets this late. Might end up stumbling into traffic again.”

Luke turns around again to see if Ashton's friend is going to say anything in response, but instead, he meets the man’s eyes, staring at him questioningly. 

“Right.” Luke faces Ashton again at the sound of his voice. “This is my new friend Luke.” Luke can feel himself smiling bitterly at the term ‘friend’ but tries not to let it show too obviously. He’s nothing if not completely amicable in the face of adversity. “New friend Luke, can I get your number?”

“I - ”

“I have to head out with them,” Ashton explains, “but I’d love to finish our conversation sometime.”

“Yeah, of course.”

Luke reaches into his pocket to grab his phone, but Ashton overpasses that idea completely and reaches across the bartop, struggling slightly as the height of the counter deters him momentarily, and grabs a marker. He hitches his sleeve up, and hands Luke the pen. 

Luke marvels at the tally mark tattoo suddenly visible. He writes his number as legibly as he can, not wanting any excuse to be made for not keeping in contact with this man that could possibly have some potential of being his soulmate. 

He wants to continue this conversation, wants to speak of it for an eternity instead of this short-lived time in the sticky bar. 

“I’ll text you sometime.”

Luke smiles at Ashton's promise. “Sounds… good” Ashton leaves halfway through Luke’s agreement, but Luke’s on cloud nine, dancing in the shadows of all that have loved before him, and he doesn’t have a bone in his body that would be content to be upset. 

Later that night when Luke’s helping a drunken Calum up the stairs, a text chimes in. 

_ Goodnight :)  _ ** **

Luke falls asleep with a smile on his face. 

♬

Luke hasn’t set his phone down for days, it seems. Every time he loses his grip on the technology, another message from Ashton chimes in and Luke’s heart is loath to miss the opportunity to hear the poetic prose that flow from Ashton's fingertips. 

Even if it is a bit pretentious. 

But anybody that knows Luke Hemmings knows how much he loves cleverly crafted sentences. . The fact that this man, this man that Luke still suspects  _ could _ be his soulmate, is hitting all of the cues in the script to Luke’s heart is nothing short of a beautiful miracle. Or, perhaps, it’s just further proof that they are soulmates. 

Here’s where Luke’s confused. Ashton had no reaction in finding out that  _ Stairway to Heaven _ is Luke’s favorite song. If they were absolutely, cosmically destined for each other, Luke likes to think that there’d have been a big moment of realization where Ashton exploded in joy and Luke was so high on the feeling that he would’ve started floating above the ground. 

But this isn’t Wonderland and Luke isn’t Alice. Some fairy tales just aren’t meant to come alive. 

“Luke, could you please put your phone down for five minutes?” 

“Hm?” Luke looks up from the message he’s typing out only to be met with Ben’s sneer. They’re meant to be having their usual brunch together, but Luke physically cannot stop texting Ashton. Every time he tries to leave a message unanswered it feels like porcelain cracks are cementing themselves to Luke’s heart. 

It’s been a long time since he felt so fragile to someone else. 

Ben scoffs as Luke goes back to his phone. He only has one more sentence to type out, and he’d rather not leave Ashton hanging with the ellipses and not follow through on sending anything. “I’ve been talking for the past twenty minutes and you’ve yet to say anything.”

“I was listening!”

Luke sends the message and puts his phone face down on the table. Ben’s sitting thin-lipped across the table, irritation etched harshly across his face. “What was I saying, then?”

Luke grew up in a small town in the suburbs of Sydney, but he always felt like he was made for bigger things. The very moment he had the chance to leave, he packed up his suitcase and took a plane straight to America. It helped that Ben was staying there as well and housed him as he looked for work. 

When Luke was nineteen, Calum moved overseas as well, and together they got their own place. It’s not quite living on their own, but their schedules are opposite enough that when they end up spending time together, they can act like best friends and not like roommates constantly growing tired of each other. 

Ben didn’t fare well with Luke moving out at first. Luke’s always been a bit naive, and Ben was dubious to let him live on his own in the big bad city. He parted with him only on the promise that once a month they’d meet for brunch so he could check up on him. Slowly that’s turned from his distrust of Luke into the two of them giving each other a little piece of home. 

They no longer talk about whether Luke feels safe in his apartment and if he’s coping well with being on his own. Now most of the conversation centers on whether or not he thinks Millie’s going to promote him at the bookshop and all of hijinks surrounding Ben’s daughter. 

That’s why Luke has no doubt in his mind about what Ben was speaking of. “You were talking about Evelyn.”

“That’s cheating.” Ben’s glaring him, portraying the role of a father nearly too accurately. “I’m always talking about her.” 

Luke’s phone vibrates on the table, and before Luke can do much more than glance at it, Ben’s hand is shooting across the table and grabbing the offending object. There’s a victorious glow about him as he puts the phone under his leg and grins as though he’s won the gold medal in being an intrusive sibling. 

“Ben, c’mon,” Luke moans. “That’s not fair.” 

“Yes it is.” Ben argues. He’s got his ‘big brother’ voice activated and it makes Luke want to scream. He was certain they’d gotten rid of these roles when Ben’s soulmate gave birth. The voice shouldn’t be aimed at him any longer. “You and I are having lunch together, so I’d like you to be present.”

“I  _ am _ present!” 

“Hardly.” Ben scoffs and it’s oddly reminiscent of being a child and arguing with each other across the dinner table. Everything is a sepia-tinted memory. “You’ve been staring at your phone the entire time smiling like a maniac.” 

“Don’t exaggerate.”

“That’s what’s sad, Luke. I’m not exaggerating at all.” He’s careful not to raise his voice too loud so not to attract the attention of other diners in the cafe. “You’ve got this manic grin on your face, and you keep laughing at your screen. It’s…” 

He trails off and Luke’s left leaning forward in anticipation of what’s he’s saying. “It’s what?”

Ben leans back in his seat and waits before answering Luke. His arms slowly cross against his chest and his eyes narrow as if he’s studying every move Luke makes. “Have you met your soulmate?”

“What?” Luke’s a bit shocked, but realizes how he’s been acting all day. His question isn’t completely unwarranted. “No.”

“Oh my God, you have.” Luke likes to think the spark in Ben’s eyes and the dimples as deep as a canyon are what Luke looked like when Ashton talked to him for the first time. “What’s their name?”

“There is no name because he’s not my soulmate.” At least, not that Luke knows of. He’s still unsure of everything between them and what could be. 

“Then what is he?” Ben asks. “And why were you staring at your phone like you like him?”

“Because I  _ do _ like him.”

“But he’s not your soulmate.”

“I mean.” Luke pauses to consider what he’s about to say, but there’s not much that he  _ can _ say. There’s a complicated border surrounding everything about Ashton and it has a thousand words carved into the wood of it. It’s not an easy task to explain Ashton without all of his Ashton-related internal struggle coming too. “He’s not, but also, he could be?”

Ben sighs, and his blue eyes melt past their icy glare for a moment. Luke wants to take back the entire conversation instantly just to avoid the pity. “Luke…” 

“No, listen.”

“Don’t keep doing this to yourself.”

Luke searches his mind for something -  _ anything _ \- to say that will justify his intensity towards Ashton, that will show that Ashton's different from anybody else Luke may have confused for a soulmate or who could’ve been a stand in for one. “He came up to me after I sang  _ Stairway to Heaven _ at the bar.” 

“And did he say ‘nice song, I have that tattooed on myself for my soulmate’?” 

“Well no - ”

Ben’s sharp voice cuts him off. “Did he act remotely like that song could be of  _ any _ significance to him whatsoever?”

“No, but - ”

**“** Then that’s the end of that.” He has this skill of putting a tone of finality into every argument he makes, something that yields Luke’s comebacks of all their worth and makes him want to nod along and agree with whatever he says. “He isn’t your soulmate, so you shouldn’t waste your time. Delete his number, and forget about him.”

Luke can hear his phone vibrate under Ben’s leg and he wants nothing more than to steal it back and continue talking to Ashton. He won’t let that happen, though, Especially not after finding out Luke’s attachment to someone who possibly isn’t his soulmate. “He invited me out for dinner this weekend.” 

“Tell him no.” 

“Ben - ”

Ben sighs. “Luke, you’re my little brother and I love you, but I’m not going to watch you grow attached to this guy just because he’s showing you a bit of attention. He’s just going to hurt you.”

Luke stays silent, unsure of how to vocalize his infatuation to this man and how despite the chance of them being soulmates slim, he still wants to push the boundaries and see. There’s not anything in his vocabulary that’ll change Ben’s mind. 

“Okay?”

“Okay,” Luke nods along, not believing his own words. “I’ll cancel our plans.”

“Good.” Ben takes a moment to relax from his tense position and even removes Luke’s phone from under his leg. He puts it on the table and glares at Luke, silently telling him not to reach for it. The conversation is over and his word is final. “Now tell me about Calum. How’s he doing?”

♬

Luke was eighteen when he fell in love with Arzaylea. 

She was a regular at the bookstore, always reading the sad romance novels without a happy ending and speaking of her hate for older music. Everything about her was a red flag, a sign that Luke shouldn’t approach her, that nothing good rested ahead on the road paved by Arzaylea, but Luke drove down it without his headlights on. 

She never showed Luke her soulmark, she said it didn’t define who she was or where she was going, and Luke respected that, but she made it very  _ very _ clear that she wasn’t Luke’s soulmate. 

Arzaylea wanted to write the songs that other people had tattooed on them, she wanted to be the soundtrack for all of the cheesy romcoms, but she never wanted to be the star. Luke loved that about her, he thought. He loved that she wouldn’t let something as silly as a tattoo stop her from falling in love. 

Only that’s not what was happening at all. 

Over the course of their relationship and the angry breakup that followed, it became clear that Arzaylea was only looking for some inspiration for her music. She wasn’t with Luke because she liked him, they were together because he was easy for love, and she needed him to help her music along. She  _ wanted _ the soulmarks to come between them, and she wanted it to hurt them both. 

That’s not the last time somebody hurt Luke. 

♬

Luke never cancelled on Ashton. He tried, he really did, but the idea of telling Ashton no, of saying that he  _ didn’t _ want to go for dinner with one of the greatest people he’s ever met, it all felt like too big of a lie to tell. Every word he typed felt like a cinch around his heart, squeezing until he gave in and erased them. 

Sure, Ben wouldn’t be happy with him, but on the bright side, his inability further supports Luke’s theory that Ashton quite possibly  _ could _ be his soulmate. The very thought of not seeing him aches and burns in the worst way. 

At least it’s something. 

Luke’s just finishing up with his shift when the bell above the door dings and Ashton comes into sight. He’s dressed far more casually than Luke had been expecting - he himself brought a change of clothes so he wouldn’t stick out at dinner - but really, the man would make a trash bag look great. Ashton looks around wide-eyed for a second before his line of sight fixes on Luke, and he’s wearing an effortless yet endlessly charming grin on his face. 

Luke has to force himself to focus on his short line of customers before he can let one of his co-workers take over the register. It isn’t usually such a difficult task, but with Ashton wandering the aisles of the books store, his fingers dancing across the spines of novels that Luke himself has spent hours upon hours falling in love with, he’s very distracted. 

As Luke clocks out, he slips into the back office and changes out of his uniform - foregoing the blazer so as not to appear to be trying too hard with Ashton - before he heads back out to find his date. 

Ashton's standing in the highly-favored soulmate section when Luke finds him. Even the slightest possibility of Ashton's soul being forever linked to Luke’s own suddenly becomes the most important thing in his life. 

**“** Find anything you like?” 

Ashton jumps at the sound of Luke’s voice and fumbles the book in his hand. “You could say that.”

Luke can’t help the smile that dances across his face in the wake of Ashton's line. His cheeks are slowly warming and the moment is altogether an ephemeral beauty. 

“So what are you doing in the soulmate section?” Luke asks because he doesn’t know how to be subtle. “Anything you’re looking for?”

Ashton looks down at the book in his hand, but Luke can’t quite read the title of it. The word ‘ _ music _ ’ stands out, but as it’s about soulmates, it’s not a surprise. “Are you still on the clock?”

“I’m always on the clock. Great literature never takes a break.” Luke’s shift is technically over but he’d restock a million books if it meant getting to enjoy such an intimate space with just himself and Ashton. 

“Well in that case, I’m not looking for anything specific.” Behind himself, Ashton puts the book back on the shelf. His body is keeping Luke from reading the title, and Luke suspects that was his intention. “I just know that soulmate fiction has the best stories.” 

“Non-fiction.”

“Sorry?”

“Soulmate nonfiction has the best stories,” Luke clarifies his correction. 

Ashton's head is tilted and he looks genuinely interested in Luke’s nonsense literature jargon. “What’s the difference?”

Luke doesn’t answer at first. He gives himself time to think his words over, wanting to phrase it correctly. “Fiction is what you see in the movies. The over translated, repetitive tropes used to reel in young viewership. Things like the main character lying about their favorite song because they don’t think they’re good enough for their soulmate, and menial fights that threaten an entire relationship. That kind of stuff.”

Ashton's nodding along and inching closer with every word. Luke has to bite his lips as to not to misread the situation. “And why is nonfiction better?”

“Because it’s real,” he answers. His voice has started quieting, getting lower with the smaller space they’re occupying. “It’s the stories of our parents and our friends. Finding a soulmate in your best friend. Pinpointing your favorite song and discovering it written on the arm of your one true love. It’s learning to love a terrible song because your soulmate loves it. It’s the small fights about which song you’ll dance to at your wedding and wanting nothing more than to spend every waking morning with the person you love just because you love them. It’s real and no hallmark story can compete.”

Luke’s always fancied himself a character in fiction. He doesn’t hate his soulmate or want to live in solitude to avoid meeting them, but he holds the slightest contempt for their taste, for the fact that their image will never fit in with the soft atmosphere Luke surrounds himself with. There’s bound to be a lot of compromise when they meet each other, and Luke’s more than willing to comply, but it seems like there’ll be more of an adjustment than usual soulmates. 

It doesn’t feel real. 

“I take it this is something you’re passionate about, then?” Ashton's backed up a bit now that Luke’s done explaining, and he just hopes his disappointment isn’t too prevalent on his face. 

“It’s my work, Ashton,” Luke grins. “Of course I’m passionate about it.”

It’s not his work that gives him passion, it’s the burning need to meet his soulmate. He looks to the books because he needs to know that they’ll mold together perfectly, that their distinct differences in taste won’t be a sinking ship dragging their relationship below the surface. 

Luke wants to take Ashton swimming. He wants to expose his body, get him out of those long sleeves, and find his soulmark. 

He needs to know if it says  _ Stairway to Heaven _ . 

“You hungry?” Ashton asks, prompting Luke’s stomach to growl at just the perfect moment. 

“Starving.”

“Let’s see if we can’t get you something to eat then.”

There are many signs that Ashton isn’t his soulmate. His blatant indifference to Luke’s favorite song, and the way he doesn’t react to any of Luke’s sly mentions of soulmates are just the beginning in an immeasurable line of warnings that, again, Luke’s walking down a dead end road with no return point. 

Luke chooses to ignore those though, because after all, there’s no solid evidence that he’s not. He chooses to ignore them because being with Ashton makes everything seem brighter - colors are sharper and he feels more awake than he’s ever felt in his entire life. Even walking down Frith Street, a street Luke walks down every day of his life, feels like skating across a rainbow. One day, when it comes out that they  _ are _ soulmates, Luke’s going to be saying these things out loud, writing them down on various spaces on Ashton's body, just as a reminder of how much they mean to each other. He can’t use them all now. 

“I was thinking we could eat at Gauthier,” Luke suggests. He’d been thinking about the French restaurant since the very moment Ashton invited him out. The dark atmosphere is perfect for dates, and Luke sincerely hopes that this is a date. “It usually doesn’t get too crowded for a few hours, so we should be able to get a nice seat.”

Ashton doesn’t respond immediately, and Luke spares a glance at him only to see him cringing. Luke believes he may have misread something. “I’m not really dressed for a higher end place. I was thinking we could hit Poppie’s or another small diner. Just so I don’t stick out like a sore thumb.” 

Luke doesn’t know how to respond. This clearly isn’t a date, not if Ashton just wants to go to a diner. He’s wearing a sweatshirt for goodness sake. 

Ashton takes Luke’s silence as the displeasure as it is. “I hope that’s alright.” 

“No, yeah,” Luke shakes his head. He’s upset, sure, but he doesn’t want that to ruin the evening. Even if they’re only hanging out as friends at least they’re together. “That’s totally fine. I was just really looking forward to a raspberry macaroon.” 

“That definitely doesn’t surprise me.” Ashton laughs gently, and the sound alone lifts Luke’s spirit enough to allow a smile.

Luke’s perturbed at the change of plans, at the idea that Ashton doesn’t see this as a date and that the soulmate theory might not be as close or as likely as Luke’s been expecting. Ashton's interest in a casual diner as opposed to a wine and dine restaurant is adorable, Luke will admit, the idea of Ashton in the fluorescent lighting enjoying a milkshake and half-priced fries is something out of an American indie movie, and Luke’s glad he’ll be able to witness it firsthand, but the sadness of not being able to pull Ashton's chair out for him and feed him overpriced starters just narrowly overshadows that. 

They turn down Old Compton Street, and the joyous sound from the bars create a fitting soundtrack for their walk. 

When they arrive at the diner, there’s no wait, meaning Luke gets to sit across from Ashton and enjoy the beautiful view more quickly than they would’ve been able at Gauthier. Luke’s trying to think in positives.

He jokes about a senior citizens menu when their waitress comes by and even though the conversation never stops moving and Luke doesn’t think the smile will ever leave his face, they don’t talk about music or soulmates even once. 

For some reason, Luke feels like he lost something.

♬

_ Highway to Hell _ is halfway through when Luke walks into the grocery store. It makes his heart jump in his chest as he struggles to stay afoot. 

He’s aware of the old wive’s tale saying whenever your soulmate’s song plays, they’re in the near vicinity, but that’s only a myth. If Luke’s soulmate was near every time  _ Highway to Hell _ played then Luke should’ve met them a long, long time ago. He knows that the song playing is nothing more than a coincidence, but it still knocks Luke on his ass whenever he hears it. 

He can’t help but let the word ‘fate’ come to mind. It’s Calum’s week to go grocery shopping, but he’s working late, and Luke had nothing better to do, so he volunteered to pick a few things up. The fact that Calum should be the one here while  _ Highway to Hell _ is blasting over the speakers only serves to make Luke believe this could be kismet. 

But that might be wishful thinking. 

The song is well over and Luke’s getting ready to approach the register when he runs into the only person that’s been on his mind these past few weeks. 

Ashton's dressed in a leather jacket and he has a bottle of wine balanced nicely in his arms. Luke wants to do despicable things to him. 

**“** Luke, hey.” Ashton's face is open and earnest, and Luke lives for the genuine happiness he seems to have when he’s with Luke. “Fancy running into you here.”

“Fancy it is. Especially when you’ve got wine, and I’ve - “ Luke stops taking when he glances down to his shopping basket and sees just how embarrassing his dinner is. 

Ashton follows his gaze and laughs upon seeing the contents. “And you’ve a basket full of personal pizzas.”

“I can explain.”

“No need.” There’s always an aura about Ashton that makes his smile seem completely unflappable, like a world of inconsistency could be reshaping his life as he knows it, but he’ll still be standing with a permanent grin etched gracefully across his face. “I like your style. It’s the kind of cooking I do for myself.”

“You mean you don’t have all your grandchildren cooking for you?” Luke basks in the joy Ashton expresses at the joke. 

“Another old age joke?” Ashton's smirking, a cocky grin of a thing, and Luke’s thrown back into the indigo pool of emotions that remind just how much he likes Ashton. How easy it would be for Luke to  _ love _ him. “Is that going to be your thing? You make fun of my age while your other jokes get less and less funny?”

“You’ll still laugh at them, won’t you?”

“Of course.”

Luke’s resulting grin is bashful. He can’t stop the blush from climbing up his neck and into his cheeks, not when Ashton says such sweet things without even a trace of irony.

Luke about jumps out of his skin when right past his shoulder, a body comes running up to them. “Ash, I can’t find the camembert.”

“It’s on aisle four,” Luke answers automatically. 

“Thank you.” The man turns and Luke instantly recognizes him as Ashton's friend - the one that stole Ashton away from him at the bar that first night. “Oh, hello. You look familiar.”

“Luke, you remember Michael?” Ashton gestures between the two of them, the wine bottle hanging delicately between his fingers, swinging with the movements. “Michael, this is Luke. From the bar.” 

“New friend Luke?” Michael asks. 

“Good friend Luke.”

“Stairway to Heaven Luke?”

Michael remembers him from his  _ song _ . This is the best new Luke’s heard all day. If Luke’s identifier is  _ Stairway to Heaven _ , then that must mean that’s how Ashton describes him. The song is important to Ashton, important enough that he feels to need to bring it up to Michael, his apparently close friend that he goes to bars and grocery stores with. 

Luke feels like he’s on the edge of the moon, watching everyone live their mundane lives as he flies high in the aftermath of more proof that Ashton could be his soulmate. 

“Exactly,” Ashton confirms, his grin an eclipse of any other expression that he’s ever held. “This is the guy that sang a ten minute karaoke song in public with no regard for anyone else.” 

Luke’s heart sinks. Michael didn’t know the song because Ashton talks about it often; he know the song because Luke’s selfish ass sang it for eight goddamn minutes. 

“Hey,” he protests weakly. He wants to keep himself moving so as to not alert Ashton or Michael just how upset he is, that his golden beacon of light flickered out. “It’s a good song.”

Ashton nods in agreement. “A great song.” 

“My favorite song.” 

“ _ Hm… _ ”

Luke does his best to smile along, but he knows it comes off as bitter as he is. All he wants from Ashton is a reaction, a straightforward answer,  _ something _ other than the vague humming he gets whenever his favorite song is brought up. 

The part that infuriates Luke the most is that Ashton won’t even mention his own favorite song. If he would take five minutes to enthuse about Johnny Cash or Celine Dion, Luke would be able to know for sure and move on, but this constant disregard and lack of a reaction is going to drive Luke to the edge of the Earth and never push him over. 

Michael jumps suddenly, startling Luke out of his own head. “Hey you should invite him to the party,” he says excitedly.

“There’s a party?” Luke asks. 

“There is.” Ashton's standing adjacent to Luke, a teasing grin on his face as he goes back and forth with the banter. 

“I love parties.”

Michael laughs brightly from Luke’s other side, not sensing the playful tension between them. “You’ll love ours then. It’s a costume party.” 

“I love costume parties.”

Ashton nudges his shoulder, stealing Luke’s attention from where he was looking at Michael. “Then you should come.” 

Hearing the invite from Ashton is what makes Luke excited to go. Michael’s lovely and all, but having Ashton dole out an invitation suddenly inspires Luke in a thousand different ways. 

“I should,” Luke accepts, unable to keep his delight from showing. “When is it?”

“When else, Lukey?” Ashton asks, the sharpness of his grin adding a bit of a haunted feel to his words. “Halloween.” 

Ashton and Michael take off to buy their camembert and Luke makes his way up to the register to pay for dinner. Luke spends his walk home contemplating why the universe keeps giving him glimpses of proof that Ashton's his soulmate, but never following through with an actual revelation. There’s all this lead up, but he’ll never hit that epiphany where Luke suddenly just  _ knows _ . 

Running into Ashton at the grocery store, seeing the man of his dreams holding a bottle of wine dressed in leather all after hearing  _ Highway to Hell _ … Luke wants to call it fate, but he knows better.

It’s serendipity. 

♬

**“** This is something I didn’t miss about my twenties.”

They’re out discovering the city nightlife, much to Ashton's displeasure. Luke wanted to be out and about and in the world and Calum didn’t want to join in. 

Luke prefers Ashton's company anyway. 

Ashton clearly isn’t excited by the amount of strangers bumping into him on the street, but Luke loves being a part of the masses, blending in and being just another face in the crowd. Especially if he does so alongside Ashton - he makes everything better. 

“You’re twenty-five,” Luke argues. “You can’t throwback to an age you still are.” 

Ashton scoffs, his arm swinging harshly as he dramatically pulls himself away from Luke. “You can’t call me old and then be mad when I do the same thing.” 

“Sure I can.”

Walking down Kingly Street, no matter the time of year, feels like a breeze in June, gentle and refreshing. It takes away the heat of the real world and brings complete and utter comfort. Simply making their way through the crowded street makes Luke want nothing more than to make the moment last forever, to bask in the tranquility and prolong the feeling of absolute contentment. 

Luke steadfastly ignores the way that every few paces, Ashton's pinky will hit Luke’s wrist or graze his thumb. The urge to hold his hand is overwhelming and Luke’s near shaking with the restraint to keep him from doing so. “What are you going to do when you turn thirty?” 

“Shrivel up and die,” Ashton jokes, his tones taking a far more theatrical twist than usual. “I bite my thumb at the idea that I’ll ever be content to be  _ old _ .” 

“Really?” Luke slows his gait, side-eyeing Ashton in shock. “You don’t have dreams of growing old with your soulmate?” 

Ashton smiles, but it looks private, a gentle beautiful, intimate smile that Luke can’t bare to look at. He feels guilty catching even the small glance he  _ did _ see. “Well of course I do. My heart isn’t actually  _ stone _ , you know.” 

“Well that’s good news.” Luke tries to add a teasing edge to his voice, something to keep the conversation light and playful. He doesn’t want to shove just how much Ashton's goddamn smile can melt him into a lovesick puddle. “Sometimes I wonder, you know? You’re often so cold and callous that I doubt you have any heart at all.” 

“You do not,” Ashton squawks, reaching a hand to shove Luke’s shoulder lightly, not hard enough to send him careening into other pedestrians on the pavement, just enough to make his displeasure in Luke’s joke clear. “I’m perfectly wonderful all the time. I’m a blessing to have around.” 

“I’m not too sure about that.”

Luke’s very sure about that. 

They start to walk into an area that’s far more clustered, where all of the restaurants keep their doors open and the lines flood out of them and take up half the pavement. Ashton huddles in closer and Luke hopes the crowd is loud enough to tune out the sound of his excited heart. 

“Are you hungry?” Ashton asks as they’re squeezing through the minimal available space. “You want a slice of pizza?” 

“Uh… yeah, yeah.” Luke quickly agrees and allows Ashton to pull him to a stop in one of the lines. “Let me buy this time though.”

Ashton sighs, and Luke slyly smiles at the way Ashton takes care of him. “Luke, really, it’s no trouble. You’re working part-time and living in the city. I can take care of this.”

“Ashton, it’s seven dollars.” Luke feels a bit ridiculous fighting over which one of them will pay for the food from the small pizzeria, but the idea that  _ this _ is the fight they’re having is beautiful. It’s so simple and it shows that they both care about each other. Luke can’t stop smiling. “I’m not going to go bankrupt from a few slices of pizza.” 

He wants to pay. He wants to be an equal to Ashton in their endeavors and pay for some aspects of their dates. Because even if Ashton doesn’t know, or if he does but doesn’t explicitly state that he knows, these are dates. 

They  _ have _ to be. Luke’s put in too much effort for it not to count. 

“You know that’s not what I meant - ”

“If it means that much to you,” Luke cuts him off, sighing melodramatically, making it clear that he’s only joking and that Ashton isn’t truly upsetting him. “You can buy me a record.”

“A record?”

“Yes, Ashton, a record.” Luke has to hold in his laughter at Ashton's outrage at a simple word. “It’s like a CD only bigger.”

“I know what a record is.” The line moves forward and Ashton nestles in closer to Luke. Their arms are touching from top to bottom, and Luke’s suddenly hot all over. “I just assumed that nobody listened to those things anymore.”

Luke has to scour his brain for what to say, for something that won’t reveal just how affected he is by Ashton's proximity. “Well you assumed wrong, grandpa. Nothing makes your favorite song sound better than hearing it on vinyl.”

“I suppose you might be right.”

“Might be?”

Ashton doesn’t answer his question. They move forward in the line, still sharing in body heat. Ashton angles his head to speak closer to Luke’s ear. “Does that mean I’m correct to assume that you’ve Stairway to Heaven on vinyl then.”

“Of course I do.” Hearing Ashton mention the song while his warm breath hits Luke’s skin is almost too much. “You remember my favorite song?” 

Every time Ashton mentions  _ Stairway to Heaven _ , Luke heart beats in time to its melody. Of course he knows Ashton remembers his favorite song, especially when Luke can’t stop bringing it up. Whenever Ashton's in the close vicinity, Luke all but recites the lyrics for him. 

“How could I forget?” Ashton laughs, separating himself from Luke slightly. He’s immediately cold. “You sang the damn thing for like ten minutes at a karaoke bar.” 

Luke’s bottom lip juts out. “It’s only eight minutes.”

“It’s still far too long, Lukey.”

When they get to the front of the line, Luke slides his cash across the thin counter before Ashton can even step forward. As he’s ordering the pizza he can hear Ashton laughing in the background. The two eat their pizza as they walk down the street, stopping in front of the record shop before their food is all eaten. 

Once all their pizza is gone and their trash is disposed of, they head inside, immediately greeted with classic rock playing and an assault of color. 

“ _ This _ is what I remember from my twenties,” Ashton comments as they step inside. His voice is coated with amazement and the lights beyond his eyes shine brighter.

Luke tries to occupy himself with more banter. One of these days he’ll run out of things to tease Ashton about and he’ll be forced to break down and cry about Ashton and how the man’s existence is enough to forgive the world of all it’s troubles. Already, on the average day, he’s one taunt away from tears, all because of this alluring, magnanimous man. “Yeah? All those years ago?”

Luke often wonders if Ashton has the same problem he has, if being in the mere presence of Luke is enough to render him silent. If the way he laughs or the way the light hits his eyes just right is something of modern art for him. Luke wonders if Ashton is ever awestruck by Luke, if his work during the day lacks finesse because his mind is too preoccupied thinking of the other, images of him wrapped in a juniper glow, his skin bathing in sunlight - a perfect picture no other human could ever emulate. 

Or maybe that’s just Luke. 

“Yes, exactly.” Ashton nods. “Now which record am I buying you?”

“I’m not sure yet. I’ll look around a bit.”

Luke breaks away and walks towards the bins against the wall away from the more crowded areas in the center of the store. Ashton trots alongside him “And what will I do?”

Luke gestures to the empty space on his left, but Ashton doesn’t move. “You can look with me, you know,” he offers, chuckling throughout his words at the blankness on Ashton's face. “You don’t have to sit and keep watch.” 

Ashton shrugs and joins Luke at the basin, browsing through the different records on sale. Luke’s once again struck by just how seamlessly they fit together. Even when they’re quiet, putting all their energy into perusing the albums, Luke feels just as in love with the moment as he does when they’re talking and teasing. There isn’t a scenario in which he can see them clashing. 

The shop is bustling, full of customers and loiterers, city residents looking for albums, looking for warmth, looking for their soulmate - the store is full, but Luke only feels Ashton's presence. He could find Ashton in the middle of Times Square going only off of intuition and following his heart. 

In the midst of looking around, the speaker fizzles and then  _ Highway to Hell _ is blasting loudly throughout the store. Luke feels exhausted before the singing has even started. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

Ashton laughs, boisterous and lovely at Luke’s clear distaste. “What’s that about?”

“Nothing, nothing.” Luke denies his anger, not wanting to delve into it, to go any deeper. The thing is, he doesn’t want to offend Ashton. If there’s any chance whatsoever that Ashton is his soulmate, he doesn’t want to start things off on the wrong foot. He wants to disregard his previous outburst completely. 

“Truly, Luke.” Ashton's voice drops the joking edge to it that’s usually there around Luke. “You sounded really upset. You can share with me.”

Luke’s silent for a minute before taking a deep breath. “I’m going to love my soulmate no matter what, you need to know that,” he explains, looking deep into Ashton's suddenly wide eyes to make sure the other man understands. “I don’t think I have it in me to hate them, but I absolutely loathe their taste in music.”

Ashton laughs, giggles really, and Luke wants to scream, he wants to yell to the world about how completely unhumorous it is that his soulmate is so completely different from him. That out of all the uncertain, capricious things in the universe, the one thing that stays true to itself is the clashing tastes of Luke and his soulmate. 

He doesn’t though. He reigns it in, giving Ashton his moment to get the laughter out. He lets the stars dance in Ashton's hazel eyes. 

“It’s not funny,” Luke argues after giving Ashton his time. “You know me, Ashton. I’m the type of guy that likes soft things and easy listening. This song is not anything I’m interested in.”

Luke can see Ashton's curious gaze out of the corner of his eye, but he keeps his attention resolutely on the albums in front of him. However Ashton reacts… it could make or break their future together. “I take it this is your soulmate’s favorite song then?”

“Yes.” his voice comes out in a croak, but he can’t be embarrassed, not when all he can focus on is where the conversation could quite possibly lead him. “And it’s written in  _ chicken scratch _ on my shoulder. There’s nothing delicate about it.”

“And you’re mad about that?” Ashton's tone doesn’t give anything away and Luke’s stuck in quiet contemplation.

“I’m not  _ mad _ , I’m just annoyed,” Luke answers honestly. “I have this aesthetic and everything I own fits it, but how is my soulmate supposed to fit into that when they’re wearing a leather jacket and driving a motorcycle down the highway to Hell?”

Ashton's quiet, the other customers are quiet, and suddenly  _ Highway to Hell _ is the loudest sound in the world and Luke can feel everything it’s saying throughout his entire body. 

Ashton finally takes a deep breath and Luke prepares himself for what Ashton has to say. “I think you’ll work it out. They’re made to fit you perfectly, so when you meet them, it’ll all work out. You just have to have faith, Lukey.”

When you meet them. 

_ When _ . 

That means Luke hasn’t met his soulmate yet. 

Ashton isn’t his soulmate. And Luke is devastated. 

It feels like someone took black paint and poured it atop every colorful, beautiful thing in his life. All of the brightness and joy has been pulled out through each pore of his body, there’s not one emotion remaining unplucked, and he’s left a brittle, fragile husk of a man. 

He and Ashton, despite being so perfect for each other, aren’t soulmates. 

“You alright, Luke?”

“Yeah,” Luke answers automatically. “Yeah. Sorry.” 

He feels betrayed by the pain, feels betrayed by the concern in Ashton's voice. Nothing is the way it should be and Luke’s hurt. 

“You pick a record you want?” Ashton asks . He’s far more subdued now, and Luke would guess that he can sense the somber mood Luke’s suddenly been put into. 

Luke pulls a random one up, not paying attention to what it is. It doesn’t matter anyway, not when his life is over. 

No music will ever sound the same again. 

“Can do,” Ashton cheers, swiping the anonymous record out of Luke’s hand. “Let’s buy this and get you home before it’s too late.” 

It doesn’t matter how late it gets. Not when Luke’s too numb to feel anything. 

♬

Luke was twenty-one when he fell in love with Zach.

The man was six years his senior and far more experienced when it came to the real world. He was full of knowledge that he loved to share, and Luke was nothing if not eager to learn. 

They definitely weren’t soulmates. Zach was a pastel type of person. His favorite song was  _ Iris _ by the Goo Goo Dolls and his wardrobe consisted of patterns and soft colors. They were much too alike and no amount of similar interests could be the glue that held them together, especially when Luke had a soulmark that screamed every time Zach so much as mentioned music. 

They weren’t together for very long and everything ended amicably, but when they were together, Luke was granted a glimpse of a life in which his soulmate was just the same as him. When they inevitably ended, Luke was just as hurt as he was with every other relationship. 

It was the first time he thought he may never find his soulmate, and try as he might to rid the doubt from his head, he still believes it may be true. 

♬

Luke goes to the Halloween party. There were a few days of contemplation where he flipped back and forth trying to decide which would be best for his heart, but ultimately, it was his decision that he should go. 

Calum may have also yelled at him to get his head out of his ass and go. 

Though Ashton most definitely is  _ not _ his soulmate, there was flirting. There was an abundance of flirting, and Ashton is most definitely into Luke. Luke’s never been one to shy away from dating someone that isn’t his soulmate. He loves love and a simple soulmark won’t stop him from pursuing other options.

Luke’s a bit of a one-trick pony when it comes to Halloween. Ever since he was twelve years old and heard his favorite song on the radio, he’s insisted every year to dress as an angel. Wings, halo, and all.

It started when he was twelve and wanted to incorporate his favorite song into his life in every way imaginable. He had Led Zeppelin posters lining his walls and always made sure his white and lavender pillows were fluffed to emulate the clouds surrounding heaven. It’s normal, his mom always reassured him. Many want to feel closer to their song, especially because there’s such a significance behind the music.

As Luke got older, he continued to dress as an angel every Halloween as way to embrace soulmate culture. There was a bit of malice for his  _ Highway to Hell _ counterpart included as well, but he tried not to let that show.

Now he does it out of tradition. It’s become habit to put on the wings every October. Regardless of whether or not he has any plans, the halo makes an appearance every autumn. 

Luke has a plan to romance Ashton. There was obvious chemistry between them, something Luke couldn’t have imagined. Each moment they spent together was peaceful and wonderful. It felt like dewdrops on a rose petal - unmoving, sweet, and full of wonder. Luke knows there was something between them. 

He doesn’t have a complete plan, there aren’t steps written out and a grand scheme of things that ends with the two of them driving into the sunset, hands held tightly over the center console, their silhouettes dark yet lively as they fall in love against all odds. 

He doesn’t have a plan that large. He’s only thought of two things. The first being that he and Ashton are something special, and the fact that they aren’t soulmates has to be a mistake. The second being that nothing is going to stand in the way of them. He doesn’t have a step-by-step guide of how to go about things, but he has his heart, and his heart  _ knows _ that everything is going to work out. 

It has to. 

“Is that Stairway Luke?” Luke startles when Michael pops in front of him only a few short minutes after entering the party. 

“Hey Michael,” Luke greets, trying to ignore the amusement darting across Michael’s features. “Is Ashton around here?”

“Yeah he should be.” Michael’s response sounds distracted and the corner of his mouth is ticking up. Luke feels like he’s missing out on some inside joke. “Nice costume.” 

Luke’s not sure if Michael’s being honest with his compliment or if it’s meant to be mocking, but Luke doesn’t care. It’s tradition and Luke loves it. “Thank you. I wear it every year.” 

Michael nods, his eye not yielding in their exploration of Luke’s costume. “Does Ashton know about this?” 

“I don’t see why he would.”

“Hm…” 

“What?” Luke asks immediately, not sure what to make of Michael’s reply or the way his gaze seems to be returning to the halo perched effortless upon Luke’s head. “Why are you humming?” 

Michael drags his eyes back to Luke’s face as slowly as help. “No reason,” he answers, a cryptic grin on his face. “Enjoy the party, Luke.” 

Michael wonders off into the crowd, greeting different party guests as he goes, and Luke’s left standing in the middle of a sea of different characters. He can tell who the soulmates are. It’s not a difficult task when Minnie and Mickey are grinding on the dance floor or Thelma and Louise are playing beer pong together. 

Luke usually would be sad about that, about being the lone angel in the middle of all this love, but he’s here for a reason. He’s here for Ashton, and despite the two of them not being soulmates, Luke knows that one day, they can be on the level with these pairs. 

But first he has to  _ find _ Ashton. 

Luke wanders around the party, trying to locate Ashton, but unsure of how to find him. He doesn’t know what he’s dressed as, so it’s a confusing and difficult task. He almost runs into Michael, but turns away quickly, not wanting to experience another moment of the weirdness from before. 

He’s walked the grounds of the party twice, no positive results coming from his quest, so he grabs himself a seat in the living room against the wall, and waits, hoping that Ashton will locate Luke eventually. 

He’s stood up, about to do another lap, when to his right, he’s greeted with, “Trick or treat!”

Luke knows that voice, has become quite familiar with it these past few weeks, and turns around excitedly. 

“Hey - ”

He’s cut off by the sight of Ashton. Standing there, a couple inches shorter than Luke but still standing tall, is Ashton -  _ his _ Ashton - in a very telling costume. 

Head to toe, impeccably dressed, is the devil. There’s a burgundy trident in his hand and horns resting atop the fluffy mess that is his hair. His black skinny jeans and matching leather jacket go perfectly with his mischievous smile, red t-shirt, and squinting eyes, completing the evil look in its entirety. Honestly - Ashton looks like the embodiment of every single one of Luke’s wet dreams. 

But that’s not what shocks him speechless. 

Luke’s dressed as an angel, an homage to his favorite song. Ashton is a devil, something that could easily be referencing  _ Highway to Hell _ . Something that could easily tear Luke’s heart to shreds. 

“Nice costume.” Luke’s voice cracks halfway through his short sentence when his brain finally gets moving. 

“Thank you. You look lovely as well.” Ashton's smile is pointed, his teeth showing subtly. Luke could melt under the heat of his gaze. 

“I’m uh… I’m an angel.”

“You are,” Ashton laughs. “I guess you could say we go together.” 

“Yeah.”

Ashton is dressed as his counterpart. They’re opposites, and Ashton is playing the part. 

Where Luke is lanky and graceless, Ashton is compact and lithe. Luke's soft taste in life is only rivaled by the edges Ashton expresses interest in. They're vastly different, polar opposites. The fact that they fit so well together isn't a surprise at all. It makes sense.

They make sense. 

The fact that they aren’t soulmates is a goddamn tragedy. 

“Can I get you a drink?” Ashton asks after noticing Luke’s odd reaction and following silence. “You look parched.” 

“Yes.” Luke nods eagerly. “Please.”

It’s a tease, is what it is, to see Ashton as a devil when they aren’t soulmates. It’s as though the universe is mocking him, standing at the top of the world, looking down on him, and wondering just how far it can push him before it’s too far. 

It’s all a prank, it  _ has  _ to be. Just when Luke thinks he can forget about them not being soulmates, that they can move past it and fall in love in spite of what’s written on their bodies,  _ this _ gets thrown at him. This is a cruel joke that he’s over. 

He’s  _ sick _ of the games being thrown at him. He just wants to be in love. 

Luke lets himself get completely and utterly obliterated. He doesn’t need Calum’s permission for this one. 

♬

Luke’s halfway through his shift when the universe decides to fuck with him next. 

He’s been stocking shelves all day, nobody stopping in on such a dreary Monday afternoon. They’ve just gotten a new shipment of dystopian fiction, and Luke’s been wanting to get them out on a nice display since the order went out about a month ago. 

There’ve been some walk-ins that Luke’s made nice with and tried to help find books, but they ultimately left without buying anything. 

A customer actually does end up buying something towards midday, and Luke helps ring her up. He’s so caught up in conversation that he doesn’t hear the bell over the door ring, and it’s only when the customer leaves, purchases in hand, that Luke realizes there’s another person in the store. 

A book slams down on the counter, and Luke doesn’t even catch the title, too caught up with the  _ who _ of the situation. “Hey, Ashton,” Luke greets, accidentally letting all of his confusion and curiosity slip out in his tone. “What are you doing here?”

“Uh, well something happened a little bit ago,” Ashton starts, joy etched all over his face, showing it’s presence through his subtle bouncing, “and I’m not quite sure how to deal with it.”

Luke can’t help but grin at his excitement. “That’s very ominous. Is everything alright?” 

“Yeah, yeah.” Ashton waves him off, and his gaze keeps dropping down to his book. “Absolutely. I just remember you saying something about the soulmate literature section here, so I thought I’d try my luck.”

He casually slides the book across the counter and Luke reads the title “ _ So You Found Your Soulmate! Now What? _ ” His heart clenches. 

“Oh…” Luke’s so caught up in the meaning, so caught up with the fact that Ashton found his soulmate - somebody who  _ isn’t _ Luke - that he can’t reign in his complete sadness. Every plan he’s had of wooing Ashton and them being together against all odds - it’s all tarnished. Their chance at loving each other is ruined. “Congratulations.” 

“Thanks.” 

Luke rings up the book silently, trapped by his thoughts. The idea that Ashton's met his soulmate, and that person is decidedly  _ not _ Luke, it all hurts so much. 

Luke feels like he should be angry or jealous, but now he’s just… sad. 

Ashton hands his card to Luke, and he must sense Luke’s upset judging by the frown on his face. “Thanks Luke.”

“Have a good one - ”

“You too, Luke.”

Luke’s suddenly angry when Ashton walks out of the store, bag in hand. He  _ has _ to know Luke’s feelings about him, and throwing his own soulmate status in Luke’s face is unfair. 

And for the universe to let Luke so close to Ashton only to take him away is just north of cruel. 

Luke wants to be happy for Ashton. 

He’s not. 

♬

The hurt of Ashton not being his soulmate still aches everyday. From the moment he awakes until he falls asleep at night, there’s a burn in his chest that’s only soothed by Ashton's proximity. 

Luke’s unsure of how to move on. He was always of the idea that as long as he has Ashton, his own soulmate wouldn’t matter. That  _ Highway to Hell  _ would be fine without him, and Luke himself would live a life of limerence with his one true love. 

He never put into account the unimaginable scenario in which Ashton found his own soulmate. 

Ashton doesn’t seem to find anything wrong with it either, is the cruel twist of it. Things go on as usual, Luke and Ashton still spend all of their free time together and every minute of it makes Luke feel like he’s flying, but Ashton doesn’t seem to notice that him finding his soulmate is tearing Luke up inside. 

Every previous belief Luke had of living happily and defying the odds together have broken into a thousand pieces. Saying “fuck it” to societal stigma and growing old together in spite of their own soulmarks is now a fragile, porcelain dream in the hands of a man with no grip. 

Despite all of this, despite their being no chance of the two of them living out a brass dream together, Luke still can’t stay away. His time is consumed with thoughts of Ashton. There isn’t a moment in the day in which Luke’s occupied without  _ some _ sort of Ashton-shaped hole in his heart. 

The problem he has is that Ashton's  _ magnetic _ . He draws Luke in hook, line, and sinker so easily. There’s nothing about Ashton that Luke hasn’t been a fool for. 

His eyes are a thousand stars and his smile is the sun. There’s a symphony in his laugh, and he bathes in the moonlight. Luke would hold fire in his hand for a chance at being with Ashton for even a day. 

He’s easy for love - that’s not news - but for Ashton? Luke would walk across land and sea for days, searching for even the smallest piece of hope that Ashton loves him the same way. 

Because that’s what this is - love. And Luke’s an idiot for not seeing it sooner. 

The downfall of Luke, the one thing that’s going to make putting up with this distance between them is Ashton's kindness. Luke can pine, he’s great at it, but Ashton still being as close and lovely and  _ wonderful _ as usual is going to spell disaster for Luke. 

He always puts Luke first. When they go on their now-realized  _ not _ dates, Ashton always insists on paying, and even when Luke manages to pay, Ashton always finds a way to make it up. He knows Luke’s taste, understands what he likes, and never fails to remind Luke of that by ordering him a perfect drink or sending him music recommendations. And when they hang out after the subway stops running, he drives Luke home. 

Even when Luke’s wasted. 

“You’re a really great guy, Ashton Irwin.” 

Luke’s currently slouched in Ashton's passenger seat as music plays over the stereo. Luke knows he’ll regret everything he’s saying come morning, but right now, it’s imperative that he informs Ashton of just how wonderful he is. 

“Thank you, Luke Hemmings.” Ashton clearly finds amusement in Luke expression of admiration, but Luke doesn’t care. As long as that bright smile is in his line of sight, everything is okay. “Are you, perhaps, a bit drunk?” 

“Perhaps,” Luke agrees, grinning so wide that he can feel his dimples pop. “It’s so hard to say no to drinks, don’t you agree?”

“It gets easier when you get older.”

Luke scoffs, turning to look out of his window in what feels like a protest for Ashton's words. “Please, you’re hardly old at all.”

Ashton laughs, but Luke still doesn’t turn. “You go back and forth a lot on this, Luke, and I’m sick of the confusion. Answer the question once and for all. Am I old or not?”

Luke sighs loudly, feeling more playful than he normally would after as many drinks as he’s had. He puts effort into sounding put out. “Obviously you aren’t old, Ash,” he says. “I don’t know any old man as hot as you are.” 

Ashton laughs and it’s boisterous and beautiful. Luke grins, far too enamoured to be embarrassed. He knows for certain he’s in love with Ashton. It’s so easy to be, and all Luke wants is to show him just how strongly he feels. 

He just wishes Ashton would let him.

Luke soon finds himself falling asleep, lulled there by the quiet sounds of the road passing by as the music ebbs in the background. He’s awoken minutes later by the tinny strums of the guitar starting a new song. Luke recognizes it immediately, the syncopated pattern burned into Luke’s memory and onto his skin. Luke groans loudly, much to Ashton's amusement. 

“You really hate this song, don’t you?” He’s got that million dollar smile on his face and Luke wishes his own chagrin wasn’t the cause of it. 

“Well clearly I don’t love it,” he rivals disdainfully. “Why is it even playing?” 

“It’s a mixed CD I burned when I was younger.”

Luke scoffs. “Change it, please.”

“If you insist.” Luke watches Ashton's nimble fingers click “next” on the stereo and waits patiently for the next song to begin. 

It’s difficult to hear at first, but as soon as the sound hits him, Luke immediately recognizes it. Echoing gently throughout the car is Luke’s favorite song. It feels like coming home, warm and calming, and reducing Luke to a languor state that, in any other situation, would have Luke drifting away. 

Now, though - now he’s just confused. “Why is this song on there?” The placement of it is too much. 

“You don’t own the rights to  _ Stairway to Heaven _ , Lukey,” Ashton jokes, not sensing Luke’s distress. “It’s public domain, and I happen to like the song too.”

“But it’s right after  _ Highway to Hell _ .”

Ashton nods, and Luke wonders how in such a situation he could be so calm. “Well I happen to think those songs go great together.” 

Luke sighs. He knows just how goddamn well those songs fit together, and that’s why it hurts. “I guess.” 

The ride is silent and Luke thinks about what a cosmic tease it is how close he is to belonging to Ashton, but something stopped them. The puzzle is in place but it was cut wrong, and now they aren’t truly meant to be.

It’s unfair, and Luke wants to cry. 

“We’re here.”

Luke looks out the window and sees that they’re parked on the edge of the road in front of Luke’s home. The light is on, Luke can see through the balcony door. Calum must still be awake. “Thank you, Ashton. You’re a really great guy.”

“So I’ve been told.” Luke smiles sadly and starts to get out of the car, but Ashton's hand cupping his elbow stops him. “Are you alright? You’ve seemed a bit off tonight.” 

“I’m alright,” Luke promises, lying through his teeth. “Just drank too much.”

Ashton considers Luke for a moment, his grasp not letting up. “You sure?” 

“I’m certain.” He’s not. He’s not sure, he’s not alright. He’s slowly breaking apart at the seams because all he wants is Ashton and the universe bites its thumb at them. “I’ll see you later then?”

“Wednesday night.”

Luke nods, and gets out of the car when Ashton releases Luke’s arm. He doesn’t stay to watch Ashton drive away, just stumbles into the apartment and to his room, ignoring Calum’s inquiring words. He plays  _ Highway to Hell _ on repeat as he goes to bed. 

He dreams about Ashton because the universe is a fucking prick. 

♬

Luke doesn’t even sit down before he’s ordering himself two shots of tequila and downing them sooner than the bartender can set them on the countertop. He has a night of being surrounded by talks of soulmates, sitting right next to Ashton, and knowing that his life isn’t anywhere close to where he wants it to be. 

They’re at  _ SoMa _ again, Calum’s idea. He thought it’d be sweet for them to meet up with Michael and Ashton in the same place that Luke and Ashton first met. 

“It’s nostalgic… or something,” he’d said.

They’ve been at the bar for about an hour and Luke’s gone through four drinks and is definitely feeling it when Michael and Ashton come squeezing through the crowd towards the booth. 

“Sorry we’re late,” Michael winces through his apology. “There’s a line out the door all the way down the block.” 

“It’s alright,” Calum waves him off, standing up to greet both of their friends. “We had to keep seat poachers away from the booth, but it hasn’t been too tough.” 

Luke’s feeling great, the alcohol is flowing through his veins and making everything much more pleasant than it usually would be. He doesn’t know what’s been wrong with him these past few weeks, but he’s become cynical. Tonight it feels nice to get rid of his toxic mindset and separate from the derogatory attitude he’s had recently. 

After sitting for probably a moment too long, Luke slides out of the booth to let Ashton in, the other man rubbing his knuckles across Luke’s forearm as he goes. Luke’s just loose enough from the drinks to be ready to throw caution to the wind and fall into Ashton head first. 

He controls himself. 

“So how have things been?” Michael asks after they’ve settled into their seats a bit. “Catch me up on what I’ve missed this week.” 

Calum gets to talking about his schoolwork and how difficult it is to juggle education and work in the heart of the city, something Luke never had the chance to experience but doesn’t regret much. 

Luke doesn’t focus enough on their conversation, all of his energy going into memorizing Ashton's profile, making sure that every line is permanently embedded in his head. When the truth about him being hopelessly in love with Ashton and Ashton  _ not _ feeling the same comes between their friendship, he wants to be able to look back and remember exactly how beautiful Ashton is, remember why everything was worth it in the end. 

For some reason, he can’t take his eyes off of Ashton, and he can’t stop smiling. There’s something about the other man that just takes away Luke’s common sense and makes him wistful for a past he doesn’t have. 

Ashton notices, of course - it’s not like Luke’s exactly the king of subtlety - but he doesn’t make a big deal out of it, only grins back, turning his body to face Luke. “Hey there, wine-o,” he greets. “Drunk already?” 

“I’m just having a good time, Ashton,” Luke replies snobbily, happy when none of his words slur together. “I don’t need labels to define me.”

“I totally respect that.” Ashton's arm wraps around the back of the booth, and for a moment Luke can imagine it’s wrapped around him. “I’m not a fan of labels either.”

“Then would you like to get not-drunk with me?”

Ashton laughs, turning his head away from Luke with the sound of it. “I’d love to, but I’m certain if I start matching you drink for drink, I’ll regret it in the morning.”

“You wouldn’t,” Luke promises, inching closer to Ashton. “You’ll be having a great time with me. There’s nothing to regret.”

Ashton grins, looking at Luke the same way he did their first night of meet, like he knows that everything he says is going to affect Luke, like he knows exactly what makes him tick. “Very true, Lukey. Though if you drink much more, I’m afraid you’ll never be able to get on stage and sing  _ Stairway to Heaven _ , and I’m sure then  _ you’ll  _ regret it.”

Luke doesn’t say anything,  _ can’t _ say anything. Why would he sing the song for someone else when he could never love anyone as much as Ashton? 

“Oh,” Calum cuts in. “Luke doesn’t sing that every time.”

“You don’t?”

Luke shakes his head, suddenly not as into the conversation as he was moment ago. He used to  _ thrive _ on mentioning his favorite song, now it’s an instant mood killer. 

“Do you really believe that I would let him on that stage every time we go out? We’d be banned from coming here.” Calum laughs, and Michael laughs, and Ashton laughs, and Luke wants to sink into the ground. 

“It’s odd that the one time we came here was one of the few times Luke sang it,” Michael brings up.

“Fate.”

“Not fate,” Luke argues, glaring at Ashton for even suggesting that it might me. “Fortuity.”

Ashton's clearly upset by the words, his eyes lacking their usual shine and his mouth set in a frown that pains Luke to look at. He doesn’t care, though. Not when every day of his life is torture when he can’t have Ashton. Them meeting wasn’t fate at all. It was an  _ accident _ . 

Sensing the somber mood on this side of the booth, Calum does what he’s good at and tried to bring everyone up again. “Hey Ashton, why don’t you get on stage? Maybe your soulmate is here tonight.” 

Of course, it doesn’t work. 

“Already found my soulmate, bro.” Luke decidedly doesn’t look at Ashton as he says this. He doesn’t want to see the smile on the face, doesn’t want to see his joy. He doesn’t want his words to be true. “Don’t need to sing.”

“Really, dude? That’s awesome.” Calum doesn’t keep his attention on Ashton or his soulmate after that, something Luke’s grateful for. “Michael?”

“Found mine ages ago,” he brags. “I even married her.”

Luke had no clue Michael was married, but seeing the glow about him as he shows off his ring to the table, it’s not surprising. Some people are lucky enough to meet their soulmate young, able to spend their entire lives together. Michael’s one of those people and his face tells the magical story. It makes Luke angry. 

“Why don’t you get up there Calum?” Ashton offers, and Luke has to stifle his laugh. 

“Don’t have one.”

“What?”

Michael and Ashton are looking at Calum wide-eyed, and Luke would feel bad for his best friend, but he’s used to the reactions. He’s been getting them every day since he found out, but he’s settled with it now. “I don’t have a soulmate.” 

“Do you not have a favorite song?” Ashton asks. 

“ _ No One's Gonna Love You _ .”

Ashton laughs lightly and says, more to himself than anyone else, “I love Band of Horses.” 

“They’re great.”

Calum’s clearly ready to move past the conversation, just like Luke has been since before it started, but Ashton and Michael don’t catch the hint. “So you just don’t have a soulmark then?”

All of the talk of soulmates and songs is getting to Luke. He just wanted a peaceful night to get drunk and forget that his love life is a shit show and that the one person he’s meant to be with actually  _ isn’t _ his one true love. 

He breaks. 

“Calum doesn’t have a soulmate, and he’s perfectly happy with it. He’s going to be alone forever, and I’m going to be alone forever, and it’s okay. We’re going to be eighty living in our tiny little apartment with nobody to fucking love, and that’s apparently perfectly fine.”

The booth turns silent as Luke downs the rest of his drink in frustration. Everyone is watching him, worried, and Luke’s had about enough. He needs to leave. 

“I need another drink.”

He gets up and walks away, staggering easily towards the bar. He just needs one more to get him through the night, and then he’ll make his way home. 

He orders something, anything, telling the bartender to give him something with a lot of alcohol. Drinking isn’t going to make the pain go away, but it’ll sure as hell numb him long enough to make the night tolerable. 

As soon as the bartender hands off the glass, a hand is coming in between Luke and the drink to grab it. Luke’s not surprised to see Ashton's concerned eyes and scoffs upon the realization that he’s never going to have a moment alone here. 

“I think you’ve had enough, Lukey.”

“Give that back,” Luke demands, reaching for the glass. “You’re not the boss of me.”

Ashton keeps his hands away from Luke’s reach. “I’m just trying to help.”

“You aren’t helping, actually,” Luke bites. “You’re very distracting, and all I want to do is drink.”

“Look.” Ashton takes a step back and puts the drink on the counter. He’s got an iron grip on it, keeping Luke from being able to snatch it from him. “I’ll take this drink for a little, and you can have it after you’ve waited a bit. I just don’t want you to overdo it.”

“I’m  _ not _ drinking it watered down.”

“Then I’ll buy you a new one.”

Luke scoffs. “Of  _ course _ you will.” 

Ashton goes still at that, eyebrow quirked and seaglass eyes brimming with confusion. “What does that mean?” 

“It means you’re a nice guy and anyone in the world would be lucky to have you, I’m sure, but right now I want you to get the fuck out of my face.”

“Why are you being so - ”

The beginning riffs of a familiar song start playing and it stops Luke and Ashton's argument before it could really start. 

Both of their heads snap towards the stage concurrently. Luke knows the tune because it’s etched on his body and into his heart for his entire life. Ashton acts equally as frozen for some reason, but Luke’s too scared to worry about him. 

At least, it  _ feels _ like fear. His palms are sweating profusely and his head his pounding. The room is dancing circles around and it feels like he’s moments away from losing his his grip of reality and falling into a deep, dark pit of despair. 

All of the contents in his stomach come barrelling up at once. 

He doesn’t stay and watch the performance, he doesn’t stay to finish (or continue) his argument with Ashton. His hand shoots up to his mouth, and he takes off to the bathroom, barely making it into the stall before everything comes out. 

He’s never been so humiliated in his life. 

Out at the booth, he was a complete prick to his friends, and at the bar he was a belligerent drunk with Ashton, and the moment the song came on? Well that’s when everything really went to shit. 

It’s his  _ soulmate’s _ favorite song. Hearing it should’ve made him light up inside and realize everything he never knew about love, but instead, he’s vomiting in the bathroom of SoMa, hoping more than anything that he could just lie down on the floor and die. 

Through the walls he can hear the woman finishing the song, the very one written on Luke’s shoulder. It sounds perfectly lovely, but Luke knows -  _ somehow _ he knows - that she isn’t the one for him. 

Since the last time he was here, despite meeting the man of his dreams and falling in love, his life has become miserable. He just wants to meet his soulmate, but given the way tonight went, it doesn’t look like that’ll be happening maybe ever. 

He throws up, doing so until there’s nothing left in his stomach to evacuate, sobbing uncontrollably as he does so. He can’t believe he’s been reduced to this mess. 

His heads been resting against the stall for not even thirty seconds when there’s a gentle tap against the door. “Luke, babe,” Ashton's voice rings out. “You alright?”

“No.”

“Can I come in?”

Luke’s chin has puke on it, and his eyes have to be bloodshot from all the crying he’s doing. He’s disgusting and the thought of Ashton seeing him like this is the very last thing Luke wants to happen. “No.” 

“That’s alright too,” Ashton validates him through the door. It’s equally as frustrating as it is sweet. “I’ll stay here until you’re ready.”

“Go away.” 

Ashton sighs, and Luke hates the strain in it. “You know I can’t do that, Lukey.”

It goes silent. Luke doesn’t know what to say, can’t speak up too loud or he’ll start crying even harder. He just wants to be alone and hate himself for a little bit, but Ashton's such a good guy. He’s a goddamn saint and he only cares about Luke’s well being.

It’s unfair. 

“Was it the alcohol that did that this to you or the song?” Ashton asks after the silence has gone on a minute too long. 

Luke scoffs, the thickness in his throat making the sound choked and barely audible. “Does it matter?” 

“If it was the alcohol, then I told you so - ”

Luke laughs and he hates Ashton for making it happen. Even when he’s sad, angry, embarrassed, and sick, Ashton never fails to make him smile. It’s infuriating. 

“If it was the song,” Ashton continues, “then I’m sorry to tell you that she wasn’t your soulmate.”

Luke stills. It’s not news, he could tell from the first moment that the woman onstage wasn’t his, but hearing Ashton say it both relieving and thought provoking. “How do you know?” 

“Calum went up to her after the song was over and asked. She has  _ Talk Dirty _ on her.”

Luke can feel himself smiling into the plastic of the wall. “That’s a terrible song.”

“It’s fun - ”

“Imagine the jokes her soulmate’s going to make,” Luke brings up because he can’t stop himself. “All because ‘Talk Dirty’ is permanently on her body.”

Luke laughs at his own joke, and he’s happy when Ashton joins in. It feels like things are slowly going back to normal. Luke’s not sure when everything started getting so fucked up, but he’d give anything to take it back. 

“Are you upset she’s not yours?” Ashton questions. 

Luke thinks about it, thinks about how he felt when he saw her, how her voice sounded, and what his body was telling him. “Not really.” Not at all. 

“Yeah?”

“I couldn’t love her.” Luke couldn’t love anybody other than Ashton, he doesn’t think. 

The bathroom is mostly silent now, only the bass from the music in the main part of the bar resonating through the walls. It gives Luke time to sort himself. He knows Ashton's on the other side of the door, probably listening, waiting for Luke to present himself. He uses toilet paper to wipe his face as clean as he possibly can, and flushes the used paper down the toilet.

“You ready to go home?” Ashton asks. Instead of responding, Luke merely stands up, open the doors, and falls into Ashton's chest. It’s just a hug, but Luke puts all he has in it, hoping Ashton can hear the apology. “You want to spend the night at mine? I’ll make you a bang up breakfast.”

“I should just go home,” Luke says. “I have brunch with Ben in the morning.”

He tries to pull back from the hug, but Ashton holds him tighter. It’s almost too much, but it’s exactly what he needs. “Nonsense. I’ll tag along.”

“You don’t want to do that.”

“Course I do, Lukey. I always want to spend time with you.”

Luke can feel himself beginning to cry again - his eyes watering a lump clogging his throat with all the love he feels towards man. He tries to hide his face in Ashton's chest, doesn’t want Ashton to see just how much he affects Luke, though he probably already knows. 

Going home with Ashton isn’t smart - it’s a bad idea. He’s selfish, though, and is absolutely going through with it. 

“Alright.”

Ashton leans back, trying to get a look at Luke’s face. “Alright?” 

“Let’s go to yours.”

Ashton smiles and it’s heartbreaking. Everything Ashton does tears Luke’s heart right out of his chest. He leads Luke out of the bathroom and the two of them make their way to Ashton's place. 

Ashton refuses to let either of them sleep on the couch, so they pass out in his bed, Luke asleep on Ashton's chest. 

A big part of Luke would like to say he’s worried about what Ashton's soulmate would say if they saw the two of them cuddled together, but truthfully, that’s the last thing on his mind. It’s impossible for him to focus on anything other than Ashton's steady heartbeat harmonizing in perfect tandem with his own. 

♬

Luke was ten years old when he fell in love with his best friend Evan. 

Well, the term ‘love’ is used loosely here. It was mostly just Luke following Evan around like a lost puppy, and Evan laughing at all the different things he could make Luke do for him. 

When Evan found his favorite song, Luke searched his body up and down for a mark, wanting more than anything to see  _ All Star _ suddenly tattooed on his skin. Nothing appeared, and Luke spent three days in bed crying. 

After that, he vowed to never fall in love again. 

He failed. 

_ Clearly _ . 

♬

Luke didn’t wake up magically feeling on top of the world. Being curled against Ashton's body as he roused was a dream come true, but it wasn’t the cure for whatever demon possessed Luke last night and made him drink half of the bar. 

Ashton held true to his promise and accompanied Luke to the Flat White Cafe, but only after forcing him to take a shower and giving him clean clothes to wear. He did God’s work and even though Luke’s in sunglasses and a beanie, still too sensitive to fully expose his eyes to the sunlight, he’s better than he was. 

Now they’re approaching the cafe, and though Luke still feels like shit, he’s mostly just worried about Ashton, who he’s certain is the love of his life, meeting his brother, a real-life demon. 

**“** Should I be worried about your brother?” Ashton asks. His voice is tinged with nerves, and Luke’s wants to laugh at his discomposure. “Is there anything I should know or be warned about?”

Luke shakes his head. His brother is a devious thing, but he’s always perfectly cordial when meeting new people. “He’ll talk about his daughter a lot.”

“I love kids!”

He knows Ashton has siblings, they’ve talked about it time and time again, but the idea of Ashton with kids is cataclysmic to Luke’s psyche. He’s barely awake and already Ashton is too much for him. 

“Well…” Luke manages to choke out, “he has a lot of pictures.”

They make it inside, and Ben spots Luke before he spots Ben. He’s waving him down before he can even prepare himself for his energetic, and most likely interrogating, conversation. Instead of greeting him with a hug and kind words, he only glares. “You’re late, little brother.”

“I’m hungover.”

“I’m not surprised. You’re a bit of a lightweight.” Ben responds, and Ashton chuckles behind Luke. Under any other circumstances, the sound is Luke’s second favorite song, but now he knows it can’t be good. Ben’s eyes laser focus in on where he’s standing diagonally behind Luke. “And who is this?”

“Ben, this is my friend Ashton,” Luke introduces listlessly as he falls into one of the chairs. “Ashton, this is my terrible brother, Ben.”

Ben all but ignores Luke from that point on, placing a lovely grin upon his face and setting his hand out to shake. “It’s nice to meet you, Friend Ashton.”

“The pleasure’s all mine, Terrible Brother Ben,” Ashton returns. “Luke’s told me a lot about you.”

“Oh, has he?” Ben eases himself gracefully into a seat, glancing at Luke as he lowers. “What about? The time I chased him around the house with scissors and threatened to cut his hair or when I told him Nirvana was basic and he told our dad I was sex addict as revenge?” 

Ashton laughs at that, loud and melodious. Luke can’t even bother to be irritated at the sound. If anything, Ashton's laughter could  _ cure  _ his hangover. “Neither actually. All the stories painted you in a better light.”

“Well  _ that’s  _ surprising.”

Luke frowns. “I don’t completely hate you… what news!” He blames the alcohol for his bitterness.

Ashton waves him off. “Ignore him, he didn’t sleep well last night.”

The look Ben flashes at him holds meaning, and he knows that the next time they’re alone together, he’s going to get an earful from him. 

“So I hear you have a daughter you never stop talking about,” Ashton brings up, and Luke is once again thankful to have this man in his life. 

“I do!”

When the waitress comes by to take their orders, Luke orders for each of them - the other two so hyperfocused on the pictures Ben’s showing, and while Luke would rather be anywhere than here, he doesn’t want to interrupt them. 

Lately when he’s with Ashton, it hurts. It hurts seeing how perfectly suited they are for each other, that if they took the chance, there would be sparks of electric love flaring off of them at every turn. They’d be unstoppable and mountains would move for them, Luke’s positive. 

Seeing Ashton sitting there with Ben, getting along like close friends, Luke’s immediately struck with the thought of how his  _ mom _ would fit in with Ashton. They’d laugh together and tease Luke, and it’d be one big happy family. 

But Luke’s not going to be blessed with that. The universe, despite supposedly knowing exactly who his other half is, actually fucked up, and now Luke’s stuck with the might’ve-beens. 

Halfway through brunch, of which Luke has eggs and black coffee and said hardly anything at all, Ashton gets up to use the bathroom. The second he’s around the corner -

“I  _ love _ him.”

Luke laughs, a small, self-depreciating scoff of a thing. “So do I.” 

“Is he the soulmate/not-soulmate?” Ben’s head is tilted in genuine curiosity, and Luke suddenly finds everything hilarious. His brother naively thinks that everything is so simple, and for once he feels eons old than Ben. 

“He’s definitely  _ not _ \- ”

Just as Luke’s about to go on and list every reason why Ashton - in spite of being perfect - is not his soulmate and will never be his soulmate, the man himself comes hustling back to the table. He sets his coffee mug on the table, apparently having tried taking that with him to the bathroom. 

“Can’t bring that with me, can I?” He jokes, his tongue peeking out from behind his mouth as he chuckles. 

Ben smiles, clearly charmed with him, but Luke doesn’t really move. He’s slouching, his arms crossed, trying to pull himself away from everything as smoothly as possible. He loves Ashton, he does, but seeing him here with Ben, here in the wrong context, it all hurts too much. 

Ashton notices his subdued demeanor and immediately does the classic Ashton move and begins to dote on him. “You alright, Lukey?” 

“I’m good.”

“Want me to buy you another coffee?” Ashton offer, not taking Luke’s word to be true. “Maybe some tea, actually, so you’re not too caffeinated.”

“I’m fine.”

“Alright.” He backs away, arms held up in surrender. His body language says he’s done, but his face reads differently, and he knows it’s not the end of it. “I’ll be right back.” 

He walks away again, hustling back to the bathroom, and the second he’s out of sight, Ben pounces again. “Come  _ on _ !” His eyes are sparkling and he’s grinning so hard his dimple is river deep. He clearly thinks what just happened was proof of them belonging together, and Luke definitely agrees. They  _ do _ belong together. 

But fate begs to differ.

“Ben, don’t.” 

“Are you kidding me, Luke? He’s clearly into you!”

Luke knows what he sees - he saw the same thing up until Ashton found his soulmate. Now he knows that Ashton isn’t interested in him. He never was. 

“He has a soulmate,” Luke points out, “and it isn’t me. I’ve been trying to get him to admit we’re soulmates since the moment we met, but he hasn’t said a thing, so clearly it’s a no-go.” 

“Are you - ” Ben stops himself, looking over Luke’s shoulder, and for a moment he thinks Ashton is back already, but there’s a distant look in his eyes before he’s zoning back in. “Luke, are you sure? Even just talking to him, I can tell he’s perfect for you.” 

Luke chuckles. He knows that they’re perfect for each other, but there’s nothing between them. “I slept over last night, and woke up with my morning wood poking him in the goddamn thigh, and he fucking apologized to me.” 

“Luke - ”

“ _ He _ apologized to  _ me _ , Ben,” he clarifies, putting on extra emphasis so Ben gets just how low things have gotten for him. “He said he was sorry if he made me uncomfortable by his being there. In  _ his _ bed.”

“Why were you sharing a bed?” 

Of course that’s what he would get from the conversation. Luke rolls his eyes. “He wouldn’t let me sleep on the couch.”

“And he couldn’t sleep on the couch?”

“It’s his house - ”

“God, Luke,” Ben interrupts him. His voice is quiet, but he’s speaking in that pointed way that always makes Luke feel like he’s being yelled at. “You’re so fucking inept. This guy is clearly in love with you - even if he isn’t your soulmate - and you’re just letting him slip through your fingers.” 

“I really - ”

“He’s buying you tea,” He all but yells in his hushed tone. “You said no, but he has your wellbeing in mind, and he’s buying you  _ tea _ . How can you be so clueless?” 

“Ben,” Luke pleads, his voice cracking along the way. “Stop.”

Ben sighs, but he doesn’t back down. If anything, there’s a fierceness in his eyes that wasn’t there before. “I’m going to stop because it’s clearly upsetting, but I think I was wrong about him when you first met. Clearly there’s something there, and you need to take a closer look at what’s right in front of your face.” 

Luke purses his lips and turns away, Ben’s words hitting hard and making him feel even worse than before. Luke  _ has _ seen what’s in front of him. 

_ Who’s _ in front of him.

And by who, he of course means the perfect man. The man Luke should be with forever. Someone kind, and caring, and ridiculous enough to put up with Luke’s jokes, and even find them funny. It’s someone who seems to be Luke’s exact opposite, but his complete equal on so many other levels. Before him stands what should be Luke’s soulmate, but something went wrong, and it’s not who his soulmate is after all . 

After they sit in silence for far too long, Ashton returns and sets a mug of tea in front of Luke. “I didn’t put any sugar in it, but I did have them add some honey.” 

Luke clears his throat, glad that the sunglasses keep Ashton and Ben from seeing all of the emotion swimming in his eyes. “Thank you.”

Ashton smiles at Luke and then turns back to Ben as if they’ve known each other for years and they’re catching each other up on the past. “Now where were we?”

What stings the most is knowing that Luke’s not the only one that sees their compatibility. 

So why aren’t they together? 

♬

Time goes on and nothing gets easier. Luke still hates every enjoyable moment of his life, colors seem duller, and music just stops. Ashton isn’t his soulmate, and the world still turns, but life doesn’t go on. 

Without Ashton, Luke ceases to be. 

They still get together and spend all their waking moments together, but Luke doesn’t find the joy in it he should. He wants Ashton so bad it hurts. Every day is a glimpse at a life in which they’re together, and every day it gets harder to breathe. 

They’re all together watching movies in Luke and Calum’s tiny apartment. Calum suggested going to a bigger place, but Ashton wouldn’t have it. He insisted that it was reminiscent of his younger days, and the small space just meant they got to be closer together. 

Luke was so goddamn endeared. 

He’s decided to keep his distance from everyone tonight. He mostly was trying to keep from Ashton, but he didn’t want it to be obvious, and decided to just isolate himself instead. He’s sitting alone in a chair separate from the group. Ashton's lying on the couch, his feet in Calum’s lap, and Michael’s in front of them, leaning against the couch. 

It feels like a metaphor of where Luke is in life. So close to Ashton, but so… fucking… far. 

Sometime after they’ve put the third movie of the night in, Ashton's taken to asking Michael to hand him things from the coffee table: his phone, some popcorn, his cup. 

It’s when Michael hands him the last one, his open drink, filled to the brim, that Michael’s hand slips and the beverage completely drenches Ashton's henley. 

“Woah - ”

“Shit, Ashton.” Michael scurries up from his seat and grabs for a few tissues to hand to Ashton. His hands are moving frantically, and Luke would laugh if Michael didn’t look so genuinely frustrated with himself. “I’m so sorry, bro.”

“It’s okay, I just - ” Ashton scoffs, lifting the tacky fabric off his stomach. He looks towards the chair in the corner, eyes pinched tight. “Luke, babe, do you have a shirt I can borrow?” 

Luke nods. “Of course.” He blindly gets up, not even checking to see if Ashton follows him, and rushes into his room. The domestic part of him is stressing internally about cleaning that shirt. It’s light grey, for goodness sake - it’ll stain! “Just, put the shirt in the laundry basket,” Luke orders, waving his hand in the direction of his half-filled basket, “and I’ll put it in the wash so you can have it before you go back home.” 

“Sure.”

Luke goes to his closet and pulls out a shirt, carefully avoiding anything to do with music, and turns around to toss it at Ashton.

Something stops him. 

Ashton's rid himself of the wet fabric, and he’s using the the dry sections of his shirt to clean up the parts of his skin where the the drink flooded through. Ashton's body is beautiful, sculpted by the Gods, Luke would assume, and though the sight is breathtaking, that’s not what grabs Luke’s attention. 

There’s a small tattoo. 

In a delicate cursive scrawl on Ashton's left rib, reads  _ Stairway to Heaven _ , and Luke’s heart stops. 

“Ashton…”

“Yeah?”

Ashton doesn’t look at Luke, though it’s not like Luke’d notice if he did. All he can feel is the way his soul seems to  _ float _ out of his body. The world stills around him, everything stops. There’s no sign of life, not a single heartbeat other than his own. 

Color flashes behind his eyes - there’s no space left uncolored with the iridescent beams. The warmth of the sun bathes his skin and he hears the voices of a thousand choirs singing straight to his soul. 

Luke can breathe, he can see and taste and hear and  _ be _ . It feels like every second of his life has been unlived until now, and all that matters is him, Ashton, and  _ Highway to Hell _ . 

For the first time in months, or maybe his entire life, Luke can see the beauty in the world - in himself. 

He’s whole again. 

Suddenly, everything starts moving. Luke drops back into himself, the colors fade, but stay brighter than before, and the world begins to turn again. 

The first breath Luke tasks is a gasp, and then suddenly, he’s sobbing. 

It feels like Luke’s been reborn, he’s never seen colors so bright, or felt things so strongly. Every emotion he’s ever experienced is hitting him all at once, and he can’t stop the tears from flowing or the hiccupping gasps. 

Ashton looks up, alarmed. He catches where Luke’s gaze is stuck, right at his left rib where their love is mapped out beautifully. 

“Oh,” he says looking down. “That.” Luke can’t respond. He’s inconsolable at this point, the emotions overpowering him, filling him so high that crying is the only release he has. “Lukey - ”

Ashton tries to hug Luke, but he backs away before Ashton can make contact. “Please don’t be mad. Let me explain.”

Luke’s shaking his head, unable to say what he needs to. He’s not mad. He’s not sure how to feel at this point, but physical contact might just be too much. Especially with how intensely Luke’s feeling things. 

“I - I knew it the second I saw you,” Ashton starts, voice louder than usual so Luke can hear him over the pounding in his own head and the wretched sobs he can’t seem to control. “I heard the song start at  _ SoMa _ , and I didn’t think much of it, but then I saw you, Luke, and you were everything. The song - the song is good, but Luke you’re… you’re my everything.”

Luke’s exhausted, the revelation and emotional flood taking so much out of him, that he begins to collapse. Ashton catches him before he can fall and lowers them both to the ground. He keeps Luke close, holding him close to his chest and running his fingers through Luke’s hair. 

He begins to make soothing noises and though Luke’s still not certain what’s happening, why everything is coming out at once, or why he’s suddenly packed tight with every emotion in the world, he can feel himself calming down.

When Luke’s managed to slow down to rolling hiccups, still crying, but much more approachable now, Ashton begins explaining. “I had to talk to you, to do something, and I kept wanting to find out what your soulmark said, so I could see if we  _ really _ fit, but, Lukey - I knew from the moment I laid my eyes on you.” His hands never cease their moment in Luke’s hair, and it helps ground him. “When I found out, when I knew for sure - it was in that record shop on Kingly Street - I was elated. I wanted to tell you right away, but the time didn’t feel right.”

Luke doesn’t want to believe it, doesn’t know if he  _ can _ . These past few months have been so intense and Luke’s convinced himself that he and Ashton could never be. Hearing now that he was wrong, it’s a lot. It doesn’t feel real. It’s like a dream, like any moment he’ll wake up and be pulled back into the nightmare that is reality. 

“I kept trying to tell you, you know,” Ashton continues. “At the halloween party, in the car with my mix cd, and I even bought a soulmate book at your store. I guess it just didn’t translate well.” Luke opens his mouth, but Ashton stutters. “I… I tried to - to tell you.” His hands falter and slide off of Luke’s head, but he’s still keeps Luke close. “I did, but I just couldn’t get the words out, and then it kept getting harder and harder. These past few months have been miserable, Luke. Knowing that we were so close, but my own stupid mouth kept us from being together. I know it doesn’t make up for it - far from it - but I just want you to know that keeping this from you was  _ never _ my intention. Seeing you hurt is the worst pain I’ve ever felt.” 

Ashton finishes there. He must be giving Luke time to think about everything, to let it all sink in. He drops his hands to Luke’s back and just holds him. They’re leaning against the dresser, letting the silence engulf them. Luke can feel the heat radiating off of Ashton's body, can hear the way Ashton's breath falters when Luke’s fingers trace the lines of his soulmark. 

Time passes and Luke feels himself calm down. Breathing becomes easier, and he can blink without a torrent of tears streaming down his face. It’s all confusing him, he doesn’t know what’s happening in the world around him. 

He’s relaxed, but his body is singing with tension. He’s still, but his skin is vibrating. He doesn’t know how to feel, doesn’t know if any of this is real or if he’s just hit his breaking point and all of this is in his head. 

He’s numb again. 

“Why couldn’t you just tell me?” Luke finally gets enough footing to ask.

“The timing never felt right,” Ashton explains. Luke wishes he could feel his heartbeat more clearly, to tell if he’s lying. Not that he doesn’t believe him, but if feels like his mind is playing tricks on him. “I wanted it to be perfect.”

“Why - ” Luke clears his throat. Not because he needs to, but because it gives him a moment to think through what he’s about to say. “I don’t know if I believe you.”

Ashton's face pinches, pain carved into every inch of his face. Luke knows his words aren’t unwarranted and that Ashton deserves to know the truth, but Luke hurts just seeing him. 

Ashton said seeing Luke hurt is the worst pain, and he’s not alone with that. 

“I’m sorry I did anything to make you doubt it,” Ashton whispers, the words sounding bare and ripped straight from his heart. “I was in love with you before I even knew what love felt like.”

Luke feels the same, but everything around him is paper thin and fragile. He doesn’t want to get excited just for everything to break in front of him. 

Ashton fingers grip Luke’s sides tightly, and he wants them to stay there forever. “You have to know this is real. I can’t have been the only one to feel so desperate just to be around you.” He wasn’t. “Whenever we’re apart, I feel sick for a home I didn’t even know I had.”

He knows what Ashton's saying, he understands it first hand, but that makes it seem all the more surreal. Their experiences are the same - the  _ exact  _ same. 

“I just - this doesn’t feel real.”

Ashton laughs. Luke can’t tell if there’s humor there, but the sound is still euphonious. “That’s the beauty of it, I think. You think that everything could slip away any moment, and it hurts in the best way, makes you hold on tighter.”

“But - ”

“I know you’re having trouble believing me,” Ashton says. His eyes are boring into Luke’s and everything unsaid is floating around. Luke’s frozen in their gaze. “But just know that I could never doubt us. There isn’t a universe where we aren’t meant to be together. And if there is, I can guarantee that I’m fighting for you anyway.” 

“That can’t possibly be true.”

“It can, actually.” Ashton's teasing smile is back, and it’s a breath of fresh air. “I promise you.”

Luke watches Ashton closely, he can see the the freckles on Ashton cheek, the summer stars in the night sky. It keeps him at ease. “And what makes you so sure?”

“Because me and a bunch of other Ashton's got together and had a meeting. While we may have disagreed on quite a few things, there was one thing we all know for certain.”

“And what’s that?” 

“There is no Ashton Irwin without Luke Hemmings. You’re my heartbeat, babe, and without you I just can’t be.”

He’s sincere, Luke knows he is, and maybe that’s what wounds him the most. That this isn’t a dream, and all of Luke’s sorrow these past months has been in vain. 

The tears come back, and suddenly he’s crying on Ashton shoulder. “Come on, Lukey,” Ashton rub his back, letting him soak his bare skin with his salty tears. “Let it all out.” 

“I can’t help it,” Luke complains, pulling off of Ashton's shoulder and wiping angrily at his watery eyes. “I’m mad at you.”

Ashton laughs suddenly, resulting in Luke glaring at him. “I know it’s not funny, Lukey. I’m sorry. What will make you forgive me?”

“Ashton,” Luke sighs, putting thought into what to say, what could make him forgive Ashton. If Ashton even  _ needs  _ to be forgiven. They  _ both _ have fucked up. “This is a lot. I - ”

“I know,” Ashton agrees. “And I don’t want you to forgive me just because I’m asking. I want you to tell me how to make this up to you.”

“That’s the same thing.”

Ashton laughs even harder, the smile on his face eclipsing all of the sadness Luke wants to feel. “Shit, yeah, you’re right.” Ashton takes a moment to reign in his laughter. “Okay, I don’t want you to forgive me today, not if it doesn’t feel right. I will take as long as you need to let you settle with this. If you don’t want me I understand, but…”

Luke stays quiet, waiting for Ashton continue his speech. When he doesn’t, Luke prods him. “But what?” 

“Making you happy is all I’ve wanted these past few months.” He settles on. Luke cuddles into Ashton body, enjoying the closeness. They’ve not been able to really do this, to just  _ be _ . “The moment I saw you, the first thing I did was make you blush, do you remember that?”

“Of course I do,” Luke mumbles in Ashton's collar. 

“All I’ve been thinking about then has been how to keep that look on your face,” Ashton explains. His voice is slowly getting lower, the moment feeling more intimate than anything they’ve ever experienced together. “I want to make you laugh and blush and smile for the rest of your life, and if it takes  _ years _ to get you to forgive me, I will wait. I will wait as long as I need to, just to see you smile for me.”

Luke has a lot going through his mind, and he doesn’t know how to articulate it all. There’s an overflow of apologies and confessions and forgiveness all ready to flow out, but he’s having trouble sorting his head out. 

“I knew, the moment I saw you, that there was something special about you,” Luke starts. His voice is low and slow, and feels like such a release, even just saying those few words feels like all of the hot air and raw emotion in his head is being slowly let out. 

“I - ”

“I need to say this, Ashton. Please.” Ashton hears the urgency in his voice, understands that this is something Luke  _ needs _ to get out. He nods. “I haven’t stopped thinking of you for a second since then. Even when I thought we weren’t soulmates, I  _ knew _ we were destined to be together. Favorite songs be damned, we fit perfectly together, and I was ready to throw caution to the wind and run away with you even if it meant betraying my own soulmate.” His voice keeps cracking, and he knows he moments away from another breakdown. “But then you found your soulmate, and I never  _ asked _ . I didn’t ask who it was, and I didn’t ask your favorite song. I kept waiting for something to happen, and I never made the first move, and the fact that my obliviousness could have been our downfall breaks my heart.”

Ashton looks crushed at Luke’s confession. He rushes to assure him, “None of this is your fault.” 

“I should have asked!”

“I should’ve said something the  _ moment _ I knew,” Ashton counters. He’s shaking his head as if he doesn’t want to hear any of Luke’s self-blame. “In  _ SoMa _ , in the record store, at brunch with your brother - I’ve had a million opportunities, but I kept my mouth shut.”

“I was content to be miserable for the rest of my life if I couldn’t have you,” Luke explains, saying what’s been on his mind since the very moment he began to think Ashton belonged to someone else. “And I never even asked. I never once said a word about us being together. You tried to tell me, you wore the costume, you bought the book, and I  _ pined _ . I should have spoken up. I should have - ”

“We both should’ve done a lot of things,” Ashton cuts off Luke ramblings before they go too far. “But we didn’t. We both messed up.”

The emotions start to come back, and Luke can feel the tears welling in his eyes again. “We could’ve been so happy - ”

“We  _ will _ be, Luke,” Ashton insists. His face is open, not an expression Luke’s confused by. Ashton's  _ hopeful _ . “Nothing’s over. We’ve wasted a few months, but we have our whole lives ahead of us. We’re going to make mistakes and bicker, but we’re going to do it growing old together.”

Everything is so serious, and Luke’s near exhausted himself with all of the changes in mood and topics, but Luke can’t help himself from teasing, “You’re already old.” 

Ashton all but cackles. “You’re damn right I am.” They sit in silence again, holding each other and basking in the warm glow surrounding them. “Do you think we’ll be alright, Lukey? Do you think you can forgive me in time?”

“I do,” Luke answers immediately. He doesn’t even have to think about it. “I really do, but we have to work.”

“Of course! I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make this work.”

Luke nods, burrowing himself closer to Ashton. “I know where you can start.”

“Oh yeah? Where’s that?” Ashton rests his chin on top of Luke’s head, and feels like they’re slowly curling into a ball. It’s the most comfortable Luke’s ever been. 

“With a better taste in music.”

“Hey!” 

Luke snickers at his joke. He can’t see Ashton's face, but he can imagine the betrayed look painted on. “That song is terrible.”

Ashton scoffs. “You love it.”

Luke’s always had great timing. Sure, he trips over his words and makes a lot of ridiculous puns, but his timing is impeccable, and while jokes are lovely, there’s one moment Luke wants to land flawlessly, one moment that Luke wants to make perfect. 

He leans back, slightly detaching himself from Ashton, and looks into his soulmate’s eyes. He can see the stars twinkling at him, and he  _ knows _ it’s right.

“I love  _ you _ .”

Ashton's silent at first, doesn’t return the sentiment yet. Luke holds his breath. 

As he’s waiting for the words, Ashton leans in, his lips slowly capturing Luke’s. It’s slow, sweet, and innocent; everything Luke’s ever wanted from a first kiss. 

The first of many. 

Ashton pulls back, and Luke wants to chase after him. 

“I love you too.” 

It’s going to take time for them to work on themselves and become what they can be. Even now, they’re sitting on the ground, Luke’s eyes are heavy from crying, and Ashton still doesn’t have a shirt on. 

But everything is perfect. 

♬

Luke was twenty-three when he fell in love with Ashton Irwin. 

Or maybe he was younger. 

He can’t remember a time when he  _ wasn’t  _ in love. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> [Come talk to me on Tumblr!](http://fourdrunksluts.tumblr.com)


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